Port Charles Chuckles

Before Crazy Came to Town

 

As viewers slog their way through the aftermath of the zombieLisa storyline {subtitle: three cheers for Scrubs stories, boo-hiss for MORE death and incompetent police}, let's remember a time when Robin and Patrick were unencumbered by lunatic exes. 

On this day in history just three short years ago, Robin and Patrick were making their first attempt at a wedding, and you know what? - - it wasn't half bad.  Join me in reminiscing:

 

If You Sit a Monkey in Front of a Computer for Long Enough, Eventually He's Going to Type a Sentence

 

I realize that I'm a little behind-the-times when it comes to commenting on Robin and Patrick's wedding, but I only just finished watching my recording this very afternoon. 

 

As a long-time, avid Scrub-fan, I was anticipating their wedding with enormous trepidation.  After-all, who could blame me for fearing what might come from the fertile mind of he who master-minded blog wars and Night Shift 1? 

 

As awesome as Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are, even they are occasionally unable to overcome the poison-pen of Bob Guza.  Consequently, I did not watch my DVR of the wedding until there was a small break in my work schedule this week (in case heavy-drinking was necessary). 

 

Now, having bucked up my courage and watched the episodes in question, I am going to say something that I have not been able to say in regard to General Hospital in many moons - - "my fears were un-founded".  Since when are my fears about GH ever un-founded???  One needs only to recall Logan's exit storyline to remember that attempts at optimism (or rationality, for that matter) rarely work out for me.

 

Somehow (clearly, by accident) General Hospital managed to be fabulous and dramatic and soapy - - imagine my shock!  I loved the pre-amble, I love the almost-ceremony itself, I loved the race to the hospital in the limo with Anna driving like a hot-rod, I loved it all!

 

My Favorite Moments from the Scrubs Wedding:

 

Robin's beauty and grace throughout the entire day.

 

Patrick hotly rushing in to the chapel at the last minute.    

 

Matt Hunter finally shaving off that awful beard (and also the fact that he was much less insufferable than usual during this episode)  Editor's Note:  Why is the facial hair back? It vexes me.

 

The return of seldom-seen veterans: Bobbie, Monica, Edward (and his adorable dispensation-requiring hat)

 

Sonny and Jason re-living the good old days (I actually thought they were good at the time, too.)

 

Mac fussing over Robin and being generally wonderful and protective.

 

Maxie sharing memories of Mac and Felicia with Spinelli (Kevin and Lucy mention - - score!!)

 

The fact that Guza didn't figure out a way to have Olivia in attendance for the ceremony.

 

Is there a doctor in the house?  ROTFLMAO!!    

A few minor complaints:

 

WTF is up with Coleman sliming all over the female guests?  I know it's part of his charm at Jake's, but in a church? Seriously? Mac would have been totally justified in popping him, IMHO.

 

WTF is wrong with Johnny?  I'm with Claudia - - let the bastard die and put viewers and Port Charles residents alike, out of their misery.  Okay, technically that wasn't the wedding itself, but it was the reason Patrick was late for the wedding, so I feel justified in complaining about it.  Editor's Note:  I think the recently departed Dr. Crazy would agree with me about Anthony.

In other news:

 

Karpov stabbed Sonny and sent him into the river wearing cement shoes - - how cool is that?      

 

Jerry tried to blow Sam up with a dumpster-bomb.

 

Luke and Laura's eyes met from across a crowded street.  Editor's Note: Wow, what a letdown. I mean, WOW.

Damn, now that is how you write a Friday cliff-hanger, peeps.

All in all, quite a positive couple of episodes.  I'm tempted to be optimistic about the birth of little Scrub-muffin, Sonny's impending drama, and Luke and Laura's inevitably fabulous reunion. 

 

I'm tempted to rush ahead and watch the remaining episodes on my DVR, but then I remember optimism and me. . . . . not friends.

The Shot That Started It All

 

To me, it has always seemed a bit too self-congratulatory when television shows, businesses, blogs, etc. point out their own major milestones.  It's akin to buying yourself a birthday cake (It's kinda pathetic) - - celebrations of that sort should always be initiated by a friend or family member.

 

Alas, with absolutely nothing happening on current-General Hospital that I can safely discuss without getting apoplectic, I'm going to need to dip into that despised well of self-promotion and point out that today is the third anniversary of my very first rant ever at Port Charles Chuckles.

 

Sadly, not much has changed in the past three years - - I am still complaining about the obscene violence on General Hospital, and Bob Guza is still gleefully perpetrating it.

 

Yes, in keeping with the continuing "maim children" trend of Joss's cancer and Jake's hit-by-car, my very first post on Michael's shooting feels right at home - - -

 

I find my self in a bit of a dilemma regarding recent events on General Hospital.

 

First of all, let me start by saying  that I despise the character of Michael Corinthos III with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. Historically speaking, I have rarely been so incensed with a child’s character that I have wished harm to befall them.

 

Anyone remember Kirsten Dunst’s character from Interview with a Vampire? I did want to back-hand that little brat. But aside from her (the character), I am usually much more accepting of trouble-making tykes on television. I understand that obnoxious teens and pre-teens are important for the drama of television, and therefore I tolerate them.

 

Michael Corinthos III has been an exception. His mere presence grates on my nerves and causes my TMJ to flare up. Several months ago, I would have said that anything was worth getting that (almost) life-size Chuckie-doll out of Port Charles. Now, I am forced to admit that anything might have been a poor word choice.

 

But, to be fair, how could any right-minded sane adult think that splattering a child’s brains all over the warehouse floor, was even an option? I’d like to know what ideas the writers discarded before settling on this piece of genius. Was rectal alien probe already taken? Does Sunset Beach still have a patent on that turkey-baster?

 

Who in the blazes thought shooting the child in the head (or anywhere else, really) was a good and logical solution to the problem at hand? (That was a rhetorical question, I know who, and there is a voodoo doll in my closet with his name on it).

 

What happened to the time-honored tradition of sending the little monster to prep-school (or boot-camp in Michael’s case) only to have him return six months later as a troublesome teen?

 

I do not feel the need to delve any deeper into this gratuitous and insane storyline decision as the ladies at Serial Drama have already expressed my outrage far better than I ever could myself.

 

Just add a "ditto" to everything Mallory said.

 

Shooting 12 year old Michael Corinthos = dumb, dumb, dumb.

 

Having said all that, let me now get to the crux of my dilemma. The last week on General Hospital has been unbearable and depressing and yet, I have seen some things that caused my cold, black heart to soar.

 

I saw Bobbie and Mike on my screen (in more than one scene!) last week. I think Bobbie might have even mentioned BJ. I saw Robin, Liz and Carly share a room without verbal violence. I saw grown-ups behaving like grown-ups for once!!

 

I know this is fleeting, Carly will be back to a shrieking harpy next week, but for right now, I am enjoying the new-found self-awareness she is displaying.

 

Am I going crazy or did the words "I did what was good for me, and then I justified it by saying it was good for him [Michael]" come out of Carly’s mouth? I thought I was having an aneurysm.

 

Carly’s dressing-down of Sonny and subsequent confession about her own culpability to Jason were fabulous, and right on the money.

 

I still don’t understand why rational characters like Alexis feel the need to absolve Carly of her guilt (after all she IS responsible), but I will take what I can get in terms of sanity this week, and Carly talking about her own selfishness ranks right up there with my all time favorite "lightbulb!" moments.

 

This brilliance and insight is a double-edged sword however, because it makes me wonder - - if this sort of dialogue is possible from the current writing regime, why did it take a child being maimed to accomplish it? Couldn’t the viewers get this on a more consistent basis? Why is this sentiment the rare (albeit welcome) exception rather than the rule on General Hospital?

 

No really, I'm asking - why?

 

 

Yeah, I'm still asking.

 

When in Doubt, Avoid!!

Current-day General Hospital got you down? 

 

Sucking your will to live?

 

Over-taxing your liver?

 

Senseless death of children not your cup of tea?

 

Let's jump in our time-machines and see what I was blogging about this time last year {Hint: I was linking to clips of the glory days when the show didn't make me want to drink heavily} - -

 

This past week in Port Charles, Maya Ward finally hit town and The Quartermaine Family saw more airtime than they have since tumorEmily was surgically excised from Nikolas' brain. 

This is a good thing. 

Plus, how great was Monica's take on life at the Q mansion?  I do so enjoy Quartermaine snark.  However, I can't help but notice in scenes like those, that two people do not a family make.  Remember the free-for-alls that used to take place in the living room?  Tracy, Ned, Alan, Monica, AJ, Skye and Edward all yelling their lungs out while Lila and Emily struggled valiantly to bring reason to the discussion?  I know TPTB had no control over Lila's death, but everyone else the writers disposed of on purpose.

Now, it seems that Guza has finally realized his mistake (ten years too late) and is intending to rectify it by creating new Quartermaine Maya (since that worked so well with Rebecca), bringing back Brook Lynn (ask me if I care), and creating a short-term stint for Skye (okay, I care a little about this one).

The problem is that viewers complain about the lack of respect for history, for core families, but trying to make amends by referring to a family that you personally decimated, gains you nothing in my book, it makes it worse, in fact.  I really question the wisdom of reminding viewers how great the Quartermaines (and the show itself) used to be, given the current direction of the show.

To that end, with all the recent mentions of The Ward Family and Mary Mae, I was feeling a little nostalgic this weekend, so I went to that magical internet resource, youtube.  Do you know what I discovered?   

I discovered that this show wasn't always about mobsters and shoot-outs.  It used to have relatable storylines about families struggling to make ends meet and staircases in need of repair. 

 

 

Remember Mary Mae and The Bradley Ward House?  Remember Miguel Morez?  With the exception of Ricky Martin's hair, those were some good times.

And who could forget the fun of The Nurses' Ball?  When Lucky mentioned his memories of Mary Mae to Maya on Thursday, this clip sprung immediately to mind - - -

 

What a genuinely good time.

And for those of you who can't remember how much Luke hated being trapped in suburbia, here's a clip to refresh your memories - -

 

 

Yup, Luke is sure staring at Laura like she was a burden, isn't he?  With the exception of Jonathan Jackson's hair, those were some good times.

 

 

 

It doesn't make any sense to remind the viewing public of how good General Hospital used to be if you don't have any intention of changing the direction of the show in order to re-focus on the elements that made it so successful back in the day (and let's face it, clearly Guza doesn't have any plans to do THAT). 

 

 

Reminding us of General Hospital's previous greatness only serves to remind current viewers of what we're missing.

 

 

Plus, it makes me stabby.