Port Charles Chuckles

So Many Questions, So Little Time

 

I have noticed a recent pattern developing and I find it distressing - - more often than not, my commentary on General Hospital lately seems to be comprised mainly of lists of things that I do not understand.  They are long lists.

 

From character destruction to story repetition to blatant Emmy-pandering, Port Charles is awash in the absurd and the only way that I can make order out of the chaos is to write it all down in comforting list-style format.  Unfortunately, my lists are probably not all that exciting for anyone else to read.  But heck, I figure that many of my readers are still watching General Hospital, so they must be pretty forgiving folk to begin with. 

 

I apologize in advance, but I will be doing it again - - 

 

 

 

First of all, is anyone else as confused as I am by a promo for General Hospital without Sonny, Jason, or Carly featured prominently?  (Possible Spoiler Alert:  It goes without saying that Jason will eventually be saving Robin from asphyxiating in her basement on his way home from pulling a toddler from a well and rescuing a kitten from a tree)

 

Second of all, I thought Lisa was simply "misunderstood" as was the dearly departed Claudia, what's up with Johnny's sudden change in thinking (besides writer laziness, I mean)?

 

Third of all, why does the unhinged jiltee always decide to make the jilter "pay" by kidnapping/maiming/offing the jilter's wife/fiancee/golden retriever, etc?  Why doesn't she ever make him actually pay by kidnapping/maiming or offing him?  I've always wondered.

 

Fourth of all, what ever happened to Terrell and the plan to seduce Robin away from Patrick, did Guza see a squirrel and get distracted?

 

Fifth of all, "the tables WILL BE TURNED" ABC promo man?  What does that even mean in morally-inverted Port Charles, another two-week stint at Shady Brook?

 

Sixth of all, it seems a shame to write Lisa into a corner so soon after Anthony Zacchara returned to town, they could have been the next power-mad (emphasis on the Brazil-nut) couple to wreak havoc scheming together.

 

Alas, I fear that Robin and Patrick's spike in screentime will be short-lived.  Oh well, I'll take what I can get on General Mobspital.

 

Anyone taking bets on how this one plays-out?

 

I'll put my money on the morgue. 

 

It's been like six weeks since Jake was run-over by Luke, five weeks since Suzanne slit Theo's throat, and at least three weeks since Morticia Adams in a blonde wig blew Brandon's brains out, so you know that Guza's trigger-finger has got to be getting itchy . . .

Even a Broken Clock is Right Twice a Day

Way back at the beginning of November, after Patrick and Robin's first attempt at nuptials, I commented that if you sit a monkey in front of a computer for long enough, eventually he's going to type a sentence.

Now, nearly two months later, the writing team of General Hospital has managed to do it again.  I didn't enjoy this second Scrubs wedding as much as I enjoyed the first go-round, but there was far more to like than to dislike, so I am a happy camper, overall.

One of the smart things that General Hospital did for this wedding was to focus on the reception, thus avoiding **excessive repetition of the church/ceremony from the first near-wedding.  Historically speaking, not repeating things, is not Guza's strong-suit, so I have to give credit where credit is due in this case - - way to not eff it up this time, Bob!

The Scrubs Wedding, Part Deux - The Highlights:

Maxie rushing around like a crazy person, orchestrating everything, so that the wedding would be perfect - - tossing Patrick out of Robin's apartment because he's not allowed to see the bride before the wedding, forcing Mac to use the sirens on the way to the church, hounding Spinelli about impending natural disasters (and Carly), etc.  Go on with your control-freaky self, tiny Maximista!  Also, gotta love this SpinMax exchange - - I have long felt as though Carly belongs in the same category as devastating (un)natural disasters.   

Robin and Patrick throughout the entire process, so calm, so certain.

Love the use of flash-backs - - Stone and Robin with Anna's veil, Robin telling Mac that she was HIV+, Robert meeting Robin for the first time when she was six years old, Robert and Anna telling Robin that she was their daughter - - all of them fabulous, General Hospital should use it's rich history more often, especially where Kimberly McCullough is concerned.

Love the relationship between the Scorpio men - - Robert and Mac were awesome together, I would love to see that dynamic further explored.

I also thought the idea of the role-reversal between Patrick and Robert was very clever - - Patrick telling Robert what he would want to hear if some man were marrying Emma - - well-written, well-acted, I may even have teared up at one point during their conversation .

I even didn't mind Sonny's presence in the church (although I kept waiting for him to tell Patrick "you break her heart, I'll break your kneecaps"). Sonny and Robin were once very close (a fact that Guza seems to conveniently forget unless it suits his mob-propping purposes), so it was nice to see them remembering Stone and the "happily ever after" that he wanted for Robin.  Another uncharacteristic nod to history - happy holidays to me!  

Matt Hunter is growing on me - - I like him better as a uncertain, reluctant new family member than a jack-ass-y know-it-all resident with a chip on his shoulder.  It was cute how worried Matt was about being late for his bestman duties, and how Patrick had to re-assure him that everything was fine.

The Scrubs vows - -  awww 

Their first dance to Ontop of Cloud Nine - - awww

I was excited to see Edward Quartermaine in attendance.  The fact that he had lines was even more exciting.  The fact that he was giving Luke advice on how to win Tracy back, put me over the moon - - "fake heart-attacks won't do the trick, I've tried it dozens of times . . . . you see, you have to grovel, preferably with a large fat diamond something in your hand . . . "  I flippin' love John Ingle and Edward!

I enjoyed the way the reception allowed for varied interaction as each character got to dance with many different guests - - nice to see characters mixing it up a bit. 

Not to toot my own horn, but toot! toot! I totally called the Spixie dance fantasy sequence.  Of course, if you saw Jax and Carly's wedding two years ago, this wasn't really a huge surprise (**see earlier note regarding Guza and repetition). 

A Few Complaints:

The entire wedding and reception felt a little rushed to me - - like Guza was speeding through the motions so he could get back to the real point of the show - - gangsters and death.

I wasn't as thrilled about Robert and Anna's respective toasts as I could have been - - they were a little trite, I expected more from the fabulous super-spies.    

Sonny and Jason nearly kissed and made-up, but instead Sonny threw a tantrum like a child and landed the Zacchara shipment at Pier 17 .  (who cares? they couldn't have done this on Friday instead? why intersperse these scenes with those of the wedding?)

JaSam - - Spinelli is now on the FBI radar? Uh-oh, that's not good, the boy cannot keep his mouth shut to save his life.  On the plus side, maybe that means Mark Pinter is reprising his role as Agent what's his name?

One Major Complaint:

Just when I was starting to think that Guza had finally stopped sabotaging the Scorpio/Drake pairing - - - - - - Are you effing kidding me?!?!?!?!  Sonny and Carly had to celebrate Michael's birthday by going to see the comatose child at the institute and it HAD to be on Scrubs wedding day?  Is Guza serious?  Last year Halloween lasted until Thanksgiving, so you can't tell me that they couldn't have fudged the date a little bit and "celebrated" the kid's birthday later in the week.  It was totally out of step with the rest of the episode, it was dis-jointed, jarring, and all-around horrible. 

Damn Guza for harshing my Scrubbie-buzz.   

So, in conclusion :  Scrubs are love and Guza is a tool.

See you next year.

Sliding Doors

So, what with the current state of General Hospital, (and my inebriation essential to watching the show recently ) it's been a little while since I've done one of my movie-themed episode recaps (think August).  However, Wednesday's pre-Thanksgiving episode inspired me to dust off the old imdb.com and recap once again.

Well, it's not so much recapping as it is commentary in list-form (I'm still a little too stuffed from all that turkey and exhausted from my TGIBF shopping to form complete sentences at the present time).    

As the episode begins, Patrick and Robin are cuddling up on the couch  discussing their respective rough days.  The way he calls her "baby" is muy caliente, BTW.  They get to talking about the first time they met (awww) and the conversation leads, quite naturally (if you happen to be two neurologists) to butterfly effect.  I think they mean chaos theory, but whatever, Robin falls asleep and dreams about how different her life might have been if she had met Patrick under different circumstances - - -

Robin returns from a trip to Paris with gifts for squealing girlfriends Epiphany, Kelly and Lainey.  In bizarro-world, Epiphany is not a battle-ax, and Kelly and Lainey are actually present - hooray for bizarro world!!

Patrick has just joined the staff and is in the shower with Leyla , when Robin first meets him.  Gotta appreciate the symmetry there - - but duck for flying objects from Scrubs fans, writers.

Patrick and Robin have an argumentative, adversarial professional relationship in this time-line too.  Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough still have great chemistry, loving or fighting.     

Patrick ends up at Jake's drowning his frustrations, and meets "Coleman, it's just Coleman".  Am I the only one who ever wondered if that was his first or last name?  Ah, well, the mystery remains. 

Patrick relates that he likes Port Charles so far, although he was awoken last night by "a car back-firing or coulda been gunfire, not quite sure yet."  Hee-hee, awesome writer snuck in a few zingers this episode.

Coleman assures Patrick that Jake's is a safe, quality establishment.  And as for women, "Dude, are you kidding? This place gets more tail than Tom Jones".  It's comforting to know that Coleman is a sleeze in any time-line.     

Robin, Kelly and Lainey head to Jake's, where Patrick hits on Carly to get under Robin's skin.  It's comforting to know that Carly is a whore in any time-line.

Holy Cow!!! Chief of Staff Alan Quartermaine is showing the new-guy, Matt Hunter, around the hospital.  (Nary a track-suit in sight, I love the world in Robin's head).

Matt and Maxie meet-cute at the hospital "actually, did we go to school together or something?".  He didn't go to school around here (tee-hee, must have been Salem High).

Carly dumps Patrick (I keep saying, she's off her rocker!!) and he re-bounds with Elizabeth, while Robin dates Matt.  I have no problem with the partner-swapping this episode, it gave the actors a chance to play against other actors that they aren't normally paired with, and display different sides of their characters - - everyone did a really great job.

Matt hooks up with Maxie, jilting Robin and Elizabeth dumps Patrick, leading to a Scrubs pity-party at Jake's.  Patrick asks Robin to dance as "Ontop of Cloud Nine" plays on the jukebox - - clearly, they were meant to be together in any time-line.    

The episode culminates with a marriage proposal in the real world - - Scrubs Wedding Part Deux, to be taking place sometime after Christmas.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled mob-war , already in progress . . . .