Port Charles Chuckles

This May Not be Suitable For Network Television

Way back in June, I issued a marriage proposal via blog upon hearing the insightful and cutting comments that Tristan Rogers had made regarding another one of Bob Guza's ill-advised interviews.  For this reason, alert reader Liz W. has been keeping me up-to-date on all things Tristan for the past few months.  Yesterday, she sent me the following link to a new project that he may be working on.

This is a fabulous idea, the title - - Reality Bytes - - totally awesome reference to a film that was an anthem to my generation (you know, eons ago, in a simpler time - before Ethan Hawke was a philandering jack-ass and Winona Ryder was a shop-lifter).  Also, the idea itself is awesome - - the behind-the-scenes drama and cast intrigue are rife with possibility for great soapy story-telling.

Making Reality Bytes a web series is another inspired idea - - it eliminates the problem of those pesky censors editing out all the good stuff.  For instance, the depiction of a certain soap's writers' conferences - - as a viewer, I would hate to miss the summary execution of any writer who dares to suggest that someone besides Sonny Corinthos be the hero of the show.  Or what about the unfortunate soul who mentions the possibility of giving an actress over the age of 35 an actual storyline? - - imagine the carnage.  Do you think they'll depict the Executive Producer calling the male actors on the carpet for growing stubble?  Maybe we'll finally get a glimpse of whatever blackmail material Guza & Frons are holding over ABC Disney which allows their reign of terror to continue.  Perhaps a glance at the fabled Quartermaine/Spencer dartboard that Guza uses to choose his next victim?

The opportunities for snark and sly in-crowd references and parodies are endless, this could be a three-dimensional version of Finola Hughes' novel Soap Suds, only juicier.  Not to mention good-looking people doing sordid things on- and off-camera, I am so there.

According to Tristan "The characters show potential for good solid stories, and with fans screaming for well-written and played-out soaps, RB fits the bill."

Fans are screaming for well-written soaps??? 

Why does Tristan Rogers know this, and network executives do not?

Reality Bytes writer Kate Lang says that "RB is a direct result of my exposure to this hilarious, exasperating, and sometimes ludicrous world that surrounds daytime dramas". 

Clearly, I am an under-achiever.  This woman takes her frustrations and develops a web-series as a creative outlet for her irritation???  All I have to show for the exasperating and ludicrous world of General Hospital is a tiny little blog that half-a-dozen people read . . . . and a drinking problem.

Lang goes on to say "A solid story with multiple, interweaving plots, that are character driven was a primary consideration early on in RB's development. The story is the foundation . . ."

Character-driven?  Interweaving plots?

Quick, someone give this lady a job at General Hospital !

Here's to Finding a More Appreciative Port In-Which to Weigh Anchor

Otherwise known as:  the one where I stay up all night watching YouTube.

In a little piece of General Hospital Alumni news (which I like to keep track of, because let's face it - - it's far more likely to be exciting than GH itself is, these days) it seems that Stuart Damon has been cast in a role for As the World Turns.

Damon (formerly Alan Quartermaine) will be joining Jon Lindstrom (Kevin) and Lynn Herring (Lucy) in Oakdale.  I don't know enough about ATWT these days to make a call on whether this is a good plan or not as far as storyline goes.  I do know enough to say that I like the thinking of a soap opera that chooses to cast several seasoned veterans instead of a slew of nobody-teenagers. 

Soap watchers enjoy seeing the familiar faces, at least I do.  I'd rather see mature actors whom I've been watching for years (doing pretty much anything track-suit excepted, of course) over another "teens on the run" youth-oriented summer story.

In honor of Alan's resurrection, I thought it would be fun to look back at a couple of vintage Quartermaine clips - -

Chaos in the Quartermaine Kitchen circa 1998  - - "some things never change" 

*sob*, would that that were true.

Alan compares Quartermaine arguing to a tennis match (1995) - - remember when ELQ was a more powerful force in Port Charles than Sonnybucks?

In honor of Damon's reunion with Lynn Herring, how about some Alan and Lucy - -

Lucy fantasizes about Alan (1988) - - *sob* Tony Jones *sob*, damn that monkey virus!

Lucy recruits Alan and Emily for The Nurses' Ball (1995) - - Alan and originalEmily were always so great.

Ah, the wonders of YouTube.  It's a double-edged sword though, on one hand viewers can re-live the glory days of their favorite soaps, and on the other it truly causes one to realize how low current soap-dom has sunk.

I don't know anything about Stuart Damon's upcoming character or storyline in Oakdale, but it's a sure bet to be better than his last one in Port Charles. 

After all, I'm relatively certain it won't involve wearing polyester running attire (or being dead).

Tristan, Will You Marry Me?

If I wasn't already certain after last summer's sensational Night Shift 2 performance, the June 23rd issue of Soap Opera Digest totally confirms my un-adulterated crush on Tristan Rogers.  In their "late-breaking news" section, digest notes that Anthony Geary has come under fire from fans who were irritated by comments he made recently regarding Luke's philandering on Laura back in their super-couple days.

No, really? 

Fans are annoyed that Bob Guza is retroactively destroying the first and arguably the greatest, super-couple of the soap-verse for a cheap and inevitably short-lived, poorly realized, plot-point and that Anthony Geary is supporting it? 

The heck you say! 

Those pesky, irrational fans.

Tony Geary has fled to Amsterdam for his quadra-annual vacation, and could not be reached for further comment (because they do have legalized drugs and prostitution, but they don't have phones in The Netherlands, apparently).

In any event, Tristan Rogers could be reached for comment, and this is what he had to say: "It's no great secret that TPTB don't consult me much these days when it comes to story... {Ha!   Don't take it personally, I'm convinced Guza doesn't consult anyone with a rational thought in favor of that darn dart board, when it comes to storyline direction} . . . However, it was said to me that in the beginning, this was Robert's child with Holly, and that was how it would be presented . . . {Darn, that so would have been the way to go, vive les Scorpios!} . . . "Luke wants to be the father, but he's rather challenged when it comes to parenting skills.  I mean it's a hard sell when it comes to being an engaging story." {A hard sell? Gotta love the Aussies and their gift for understatement. Not that Guza could sell water to desert nomads if he tried, mind you}

 

Regarding the fan uproar: "I believe TPTB were hoping just such a thing would happen, I mean, GH doesn't garner much interest at any level these days. { } The fact that this would ignite controversy and get the boards posting and this would in turn get people watching had to be a prime factor in this story moving ahead . . . Right now, if all the brouhaha brings people to watching, even if they comment negatively, well, it's all ratings."

 

He is completely and totally right - - that is exactly how the executives think.   Michael's shooting is a perfect example, the viewing public (all five that remain) may be completely disgusted, but at least they're talking about the show.  Good job Bob!  Thanks Brian, let's call it a day and head off to our misogynists united meeting.

 

Has it occured to no one to try putting on something worth-watching in the first place? 

 

Something worth talking about for the right reasons? 

 

Something like Night Shift 3, perhaps?