Port Charles Chuckles

It Helps to Speak the Language

Working with animals, I have discovered that people have a wide array of . . . unusual . . . beliefs when it comes to their pets.  Mr. Stine is convinced that his cat Butters is the reincarnated spirit of his great aunt Helen, and provides the staff with new examples of such each time he comes into the office.  Then there's Mrs. Hall, who thinks that anything ailing her Pug Mitzi can be cured using Vicks Vapo-rub.  I suspect this is also how she medicates herself, if the time she cornered me at the grocery store is any indication - - I almost got high off the fumes!

There are also different schools of thought when it comes to training dogs and cats - - there are those people who believe that animals can be taught as many as thirty different words, and there are those who believe that tone of voice is the only thing that matters and the words themselves are irrelevant in conveying meaning to an animal.

I'm not sure whether I believe that or not when it comes to animals, but I will tell you this - - it's true when it comes to Carly Corinthos Jacks, forget about logic and use a soothing tone.

After several months of abatement in my Carly-hate, Michael's murder of Claudia appears to have brought back the shrieking harpy that I know and loathe.  Whether she was idiotically covering-up a justifiable homicide, freaking out on Jax for keeping a secret that everyone else kept too, or blindly refusing to blame Jason for incidents that are blatantly his fault, Carly's logic-defying ways are back in full-force.

So on Wednesday, when Sonny pitched a hissy over her desire to protect his kids from a serial killer by taking them out of the country, I knew a spike in my blood pressure was coming.  Fortunately, there's an Arbor Mist for that.

Jax:  I thought we agreed that all 3 children would be safer away from this mess?

 

Carly:  Sonny had some points.  {Editor's Note: Those are horns dear, he's always had those under his greasy hair}

 

Jax:  None that I heard.

 

Carly:  Michael called Sonny because Michael doesn't want to go. {Raise your hand if you give a rat's ass what he wants}

 

Jax:  Michael hasn't exactly been making the best decisions lately. {cough*understatement*cough} Although, I did hear him say that he wants Morgan to go to Australia with us.

 

Carly:  Michael doesn't feel he's worth saving {that makes two of us} he wants his brother to go so he has a better life.

 

Jax:  Do you want to let him make that sacrifice?  {Jax, I don't want that kid making any decisions more complicated than paper or plastic}

 

Carly:  Nooo, Jax . . .

 

Jax:  Then we should insist that they both come to Australia with us.  The one thing we can't do is stay here and wait for Franco's next move.

 

Carly:  I don't want to have another fight with Sonny. {Much better to have another comatose child than to offend Sonny's delicate feelings}

Is it unhealthy to scream and throw things at characters on the television, because I'm there?

Fortunately, Jax realized the error of his ways and tried a different tactic.  Forget logic, you just have to speak crazy's language - - the world as it revolves around Jason Morgan.

 

Jax:  If Franco's idea is to hurt Jason, then one way to do it would be to force him to choose between Sam's life and the life of a child.  And if we leave, it takes four potential victims off the table okay, that's you, Michael, Morgan, and Jocelyn, you're out of Franco's reach.  Not only are you saving your children, you're taking some pressure off Jason as well.

It looks like we're going to Australia, well-played Jasper, well-played.

Doesn't It Just Figure?

Several weeks ago, after an interminable and painfully hideous year on the canvas, Rebecca Shaw boarded a flight to Paris and left Port Charles just when she was starting to become interesting. 

Okay, admittedly it's hard to tell whether she was actually becoming more watchable, or if it was simply her impending departure that made her seem more tolerable to me (much like the last 1/2 mile of a race is easier than the first because the finish-line is in sight). 

It goes similarly with Franco, who I found hysterically funny during today's episode, but have been largely disappointed-in for the bulk of the preceding story. 

While it's true that Franco has had some good one-liners over the course of his run, and the actor is clearly giving his all to the camp and cheese, the storyline as a whole has been abysmal (due mainly to the trite and violent so-called "plot").

Today, however, for whatever reason, Franco gets my nomination for dialogue of the day - - -

{upon hearing about Jason's "arrest"}

Franco:  I've had it with the police in this town, why the hell are they arresting Jason Morgan?  He hasn't killed anyone . . . . lately, at least not anyone worth remembering.  Meanwhile, I'm kidnapping women right and left and no one cares!

I admit it, I laughed.  I'm not proud of it, but with the denouement on it's bloody way, I am in dire need of a little cheer - - -

Today's second best line?

Franco:  Who do I have to screw to get off this movie?!?

Good question James, good question.

Do you suppose that was an ad-lib?

That's Right, Set the Bar High

So, I'm enjoying Dante immensely, I find that I love practically everything he does including his interactions with Sonny and Olivia (both previously fast-forwardable characters, although Johnny gets most of the credit for making Olivia bearable). And, I could possibly be interested in a Dante/Lulu romantic pairing depending on how this whole paternity thing shakes out.  You know, if they don't totally screw the character and turn him into another mob-apologist flunky.

As a potential fan of this inevitable pairing, it's good to see that the powers that be are bringing out the romantic butterflies in full-force.

 

**Lulu:  I have no doubt that things are going to fall apart anyway, they always do.  Once you think you've got it made with someone, something goes horribly and irretrievably wrong.  And I'm not expecting me and Dominic . . . yes, I'm starting to think there's a "me and Dominic", but I'm not expecting that we'll be any different.  So . . . whatever does tear us apart, it won't be because he's a liar and a cheat, and it won't be because he's using me or trying to hurt me, so that's consoling I guess.

Way to look on the "glass half full" side of life, kiddo!

**the above exchange was brought to you by the same romantics who think Kristina is one lucky girl because Kiefer gets good grades, drives a fast car, and never leaves a visible bruise**