Port Charles Chuckles

A Brief Light in the Darkness

The last few days of General Hospital have caused an astronomical increase in my rage-induced migraines and my Arbor Mist consumption, with a severe decrease in my urge to blog. 

Consider yourselves lucky, reading public (hi Mom ), because anything that I may have written in the past three days would have mainly included colorful synonyms for "delusionally unhinged selfish witch" coupled with emoticons exploding and/or banging their head into walls.

I find the current direction of almost every storyline on this show to be repugnant, and I dread having to watch it play out.  If it were not for the impending arrivals of James Franco and Scott Reeves(and the continued greatness of Dominic Zamprogna) I would be taking a mental health break the likes of which I have not contemplated since Sonny left Brenda at the altar in 1997 (I cried my teen-aged heart out for days, seriously, and then didn't watch the show for two whole years).

However, amidst the endlessly painful Carly/Jax conversation and the Nikolas/Liz snogging and Michael reveling in his bloodthirsty (adopted) birthright that was taking place today, was a sentence I have waited the better part of a decade to hear (for those not watching the show anymore, start at minute 6:15) - - - - -

"I don't know what would have happened if I would have left him at the Quartermaines, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have killed somebody".

 

Was it good for you?  It was great for me.

Truthfully, Michael might still have killed someone if he had been raised a Quartermaine, he just wouldn't be so fucking flippant about it if he hadn't been reared by gangsters.  That's the truly disturbing part about this whole story (beside Carly's insanity) - - the fact that Michael has absolutely no remorse and viewers are supposed to find him sympathetic.  Whether it was justified or not, you are supposed to feel bad when you take a life.  Heck, I feel terrible for days after I hit a squirrel.

I enjoyed Jason's lightbulb moment today, in spite of the fact that we've seen this culpability conversation before.  It went something like. . . . "Michael probably wouldn't have gotten shot in the head if the Quartermaines had raised him, we're terrible guardians, we'll do better at protecting him in the future, blah, blah, blah..." and nothing ever changed, in fact, it got worse.   I know this on a practical level, but allow me to cling to the positives for a moment - - I sense they will be few and far between this winter. 

"I don't know what would have happened if I would have left him at the Quartermaines, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have killed somebody".

 

I need a cigarette.

That Title is Secure for Another Year

I have spent the last 24 hours trying to organize my thoughts regarding Wednesday's slaying into articulate (and family-friendly) sentences. 

I have had little success. 

I think the problem lies with the fact that there are so many complaints, that I keep diverging off onto different topics and rambling aimlessly, eventually devolving into long strings of profanity peppered with angry emoticons . 

Clearly, I'm going to need a bit more time with the whole killing Claudia topic. 

What I am prepared to comment on, is Sonny's status as shoe-in for Port Charles' worst father of the year award.  In a town that is also inhabited by Anthony Zacchara and the recently bastardized Luke Spencer, that is no small feat, but Sonny rose to the challenge, securing his position for the second year in a row.  (He is also neck and neck with Luke Spencer for worst husband of the year, but I think he's going to lose that one because cheating on Laura totally trumps ordering Claudia's death in my book of bad)

Remember in July when Sonny thought Michael ran Claudia off the road and killed the unborn duh-nut?  I was a tad hard on Sonny at the time because, well, he called his kid a murderer, and aside from being mean, that was hysterically hypocritical coming from him of all people .

I may have wanted Sonny to be more supportive of Michael at the time, but this was not what I had in mind - -

Sonny:  You all right?

Michael:  I killed Claudia.

Jason:  No, you were protecting Carly and . . . 

Michael:  No, no, I should have warned you, I knew she was dangerous.

Sonny:  That's not on you.

Michael:  I could have stopped it!

Sonny:  You did! Tonight. You stopped her. You did good.

Tell me Sonny did not just pat the kid on the back for taking a human life  . 

That's great Sonny - - - trivialize violence and loss of life, force Michael to lie about it so he can't seek counseling and move past the trauma, force viewers to sit through another ridiculous cover-up . . . . .

. . . . crap, I'm doing that tangential ranting thing again.

In summation,

How Do You Say "Delusional" in French?

Just when I thought topics of conversations between Michael and Kristina couldn't get any more disturbing than her sex life with Kiefer, Monday rolled around and disabused me with the following conversation - -

{Michael has just told Kristina that he remembers Claudia's coma confession and Jerry's also, which confirms Claudia's culpability in his shooting.  The siblings discuss possible outcomes of the situation.}

Kristina:  Whatever Claudia was doing, you don't have to worry about it anymore.  I'm sure when you tell Dad what you remember,  he'll turn it over to the police. {Ed note: }

Michael:  { scoffs} He'll what?

Kristina:  Your memories won't be enough to convict Claudia, but maybe the new DA could open an investigation?  Whatever happens, it will be out of your hands and you can get on with your life.

Michael:  Kristina, Dad's not gonna go to the police about a hit that went bad, he will take care of the situation.

Kristina:  You don't mean that Dad would actually kill Claudia?  {Ed note: Is a bear Catholic?}

Michael:  Well, that's what she deserves, isn't it?

I don't know which is more disturbing - - the fact that Michael has clearly bought into Sonny's violent "eye for an eye" mentality, or the fact that Kristina has been accepted to Yale.

 

Michael's the smart one and Kristina's dumber than a box of rocks?  Really? 

I guess while elitist Alexis was busy insisting that her daughter learn French instead of Spanish, Carly was pumping Michael full of useful information like where to hide bodies and how to get away with murder.

Je deteste ce spectacle terrible et terrible.