The carnage began on Friday's episode as Sonny's speech from Thursday culminated in the revelation (to the four people present who didn't already know) of Claudia's guilt. Needless to say, it did not go well. Who could have possibly foreseen that cornering an unstable person in a crowded restaurant might be a bad move? Seriously, did Sonny learn nothing from their adventure in Puerto Rico? Claudia's fast on the draw and you know she carries, moron!
In lieu of a movie-title recap of the episode's events, I thought I would try my hand at another musical number.
Mobster Bash
(as told by an anonymous member of the MetroCourt waitstaff who was warned by Jax not to over-serve the alcohol due to the majority of the guests' violent tendencies, but wasn't warned not to attend at all due to Guza's penchant for killing extras and Quartermaines first)
I was working in the bar late one night
When my eyes beheld a scary sight
The local mobster took the floor to begin a toast
And to my surprise, his deceitful wife he began to roast
Sonny began speaking of trust and loyalty
It was clear that he fancied himself mafia royalty
He did the bash
It was the mobster bash
The mobster bash
His hypocrisy gave me a rash
He did the bash
It went south in a flash
He did the bash
It was a self-indulgent splash
Under scrutiny from the host
His wife began looking as pale as a ghost
Sonny revealed his certainty of her guilt
In spite of the illusion of innocence she had carefully built
Her brother Johnny attempted to take the blame
But Sonny continued, calling her by every name
He did the bash
He did the mobster bash
The mobster bash
His hypocrisy gave me a rash
He did the bash
It went south in a flash
He did the bash
It was a self-indulgent splash
From my position behind the bar,
To the elevator doors which were left ajar,
The guests were all frozen, their drinks in hand
As Claudia struggled to escape her quick-sand
Michael and Kristina were watching in fear
Jason and Sam could see that the end was near
Then, Sonny ordered his goons to attack
But Claudia's handgun forced them all back
He tried the bash
He tried the mafia bash
But in the end, his actions were quite rash
He attempted the bash,
Not surprisingly, it went south in a flash
He failed the bash
He failed the mobster bash
Claudia grabbed Carly in a choke
Dragging her out, even as her water broke
Johnny and Jason raced down the stairs
While Sonny and Jax exchanged accusatory glares
Claudia sped off in a getaway car
With Carly in labor, they couldn't get far
Claudia escaped the bash
She fled the mobster bash
Toward freedom, she tried to dash
She fled the bash
Her improv was really quite brash
She fled the bash
She fled the mobster bash
Meanwhile, back up at the party
Kristina had an epiphany (her Dad is a monster) - - gee, what a smarty!
Robin and Patrick discussed their moral qualms
While Dominic kept everyone calm, even Mikey and his sweaty palms
The token minority arrived in the form of a new cop,
Guza - all this diversity is too much, please, won't you stop?
Luke snuck out early to question his sources
While Jason called upon the Jackal and his cyber-forces
Mac arrived to lay down the law
Compiling information about what key witnesses saw
Jason intended to join in the search,
Refusing to leave Carly alone in the lurch
The police had other plans, placing the hitman in cuffs
In spite of Jax and Sam and their respective huffs
Alone on the road in the blinding rain,
Carly argued with Claudia amidst screaming in pain.
Claudia insisted that Sonny would have done the same thing
While Carly foolishly grabbed the wheel and gave it a fling
It was a bash
It was a mobster bash
There was yelling and verbal trash
It was a violent smash
It was a bash
It was a mobster bash
It ended with a fiery crash
The mobster bash
playing pint-sized rescuers to Johnny Z.
ranting about the evils of the mob and then letting Olivia go free.
Tracy calling Claudia a social climber at her own birthday party!
, not a tumbler-tossing in sight!
.
.
. (Okay, her comparisons are more accurate this time around, but I'd hardly call that a selling point - - does every male lead on this show have to be a jackass??)
) Speaking of which, Johnny is one of two characters who makes Olivia bearable for me (the other is Dante, who I am starting to think could make the black plague bearable), but I was mightily disappointed with the JOlivia love scene today - - what was with the awkward walk to the bedroom? Ugh, not good.
. Mikey and Kristina have been spending too much time with the Ziblings, clearly)
(for the umpteenth time). 
(Guza is an asshat).