Port Charles Chuckles

Daily Recap 4/30/08

Well folks, I jumped the gun - Save the Last Dance will be tomorrow.

Today was mostly snooze-worthy with dashes of cringe-worthy sprinkled in for seasoning.

For this episode’s recap, I am going to stick with the cooking analogy, and entitle today: Recipe for Disaster which was a 2003 TV movie starring John Laroquette.

Lulu is early to work today as she and Maxie continue to vie for Kate’s favor - I continue not to care. Maxie deletes an important e-mail in order to get Lulu in trouble, but her plan back-fires when Kate decides that her two assistants should sink or swim together. This is a recipe for disaster, mark my words. Later, when Spinelli stops by to solve their cyber-dilemma, Maxie plants a manipulative smooch on him.

Logan helps Anthony into his wheel-chair. Anthony comments on Logan’s bruises, mentioning that he hasn’t seen a good bar-fight in years. Anthony goads Ric into accepting Trevor as co-counsel for his defense using the time-tested "bwok...bwok...bwok...chicken" method. Yet another recipe for disaster as the Lansings will invariably compete viciously for Anthony’s gratitude. He wants to see a "bar"-fight? - he’s going to get one!

Johnny is relieved to see Claudia alive, she tells him that Daddy Z tried to kill her, but doesn’t elaborate on Jason’s participation in her rescue. Claudia intends to keep Anthony locked up by telling the court how he tried to kill John and shot Maria instead, all those years ago.

Diane wants Alexis to appoint her co-chair for Anthony’s competency hearing. Are you kidding? Talk about a recipe for disaster (or a mis-trail at least)!!! It happens anyway, inexplicably (mob-ties aren’t verboten in PC courts apparently or Alexis wouldn’t be the District Attorney in the first place).

Spinelli shows up at court looking quite dapper. Unfortunately, then he speaks and it’s painful to watch. TPTB are once again over-doing his Spinelli-ness to the point of inducing nausea.

Luke receives another batch of Zacchara cash to cleanse, Tracy objects to him taking the risk with Alexis breathing down his neck. Luke’s not as young as he once was, and Tracy fears flying bullets are faster than he is now, she feels this business venture is a recipe for disaster. Luke minimizes her concerns. Sam stops by and wants a job - she can shill for the house for a percentage - deal struck! Again, Tracy is annoyed. Luke re-assures her that he always comes home because he actually loves her.

It’s "harass Elizabeth" day at General Hospital as first Epiphany and then Ford blow and bluster. (I’m sorry, I just can’t take either of those characters seriously. Plus, must we really make it look as though a woman can’t possibly survive without a man to take care of her? Rhetorical question - I know "we" being Guza, must) On the plus side, Lucky is back and looking as yummy as ever. He offers to take the boys Saturday to give Liz a break, she declines his generosity, but offers dinner instead. This will be a recipe for disaster when Sam finds out.

Nadine and Nikolas go riding again. I’m still enjoying the lighter, almost humorous side of Nik that Nadine brings out. She offers to cook him dinner, but he hopes to see Emily tonight, so he declines.

Anthony’s trial starts - opening arguments from both sides - Claudia is called to the witness stand....

Tomorrow looks like a five-hanky day for Nik/Em fans

Daily Recap 4/29/08

What to say about today’s show?

Well, there was Logan, so that's always good and whomever is in charge of rationing dialogue clearly fell asleep at the wheel today, so that's another good thing.

I swear Logan must have had 8-10 lines today, that’s more than he had the entire month of March.

Oh, and there was NO Carly for the second day in a row - yipeee! I had two things worth squealing about today.

I’m going to go with The Gambler for today’s movie-recap. Because, really, Kenny Rogers movies don’t get enough play these days.

We pick back up with the disturbing JoLu conversation from yesterday. Lulu wants to know what Johnny would have done if Kate or Carly or some other innocent bystander had walked in while he was shooting Sonny. Johnny says he only knows that if she hadn’t walked in, he would have "blown Sonny’s head off". They argue, he’s being a major butt-head, she storms off angry (again). Darnit what is this crap Johnny is spewing lately?

SpinMax return to the morgue to fetch an unconscious Devlin, but he is long-gone. Spinelli faints when they inadvertently interrupt an autopsy. They return to Jason’s penthouse where they engage in comradery and compliments. Maxie even has some orange soda while Spinelli tracks Dr Devil via GPS locater. It looks like Spinelli is about to take the ultimate gamble and confess his infatuation, but alas they are interrupted. Lulu comes by to bond with Spinelli, but ends up arguing with Maxie instead. (*Neither of them ever comes out well in any scenes that they share - both Lulu and Maxie look petty and vindictive -why must viewers be subjected to this constant bitchery?*)

Sonny and Kate discuss his near-death experience. Kate suggests calling the cops - - - WTF? But, after she regains her faculties, she makes some very good points. I found her speech about making a better life for his other children and not escalating the violence to be quite inspiring. Needless to say, even if that were actually possible, Sonny was not listening. Sonny is willing to be the ultimate gambler in his quest to avenge Michael - he is willing to lose everything he still has in order to avenge what was taken from him.

Claudia elbows her attacker in the ribs, and Jason shoves him into the wall. Claudia shoots the guy before Jason can question him. Jason is peeved. Claudia convinces him to help her dump the body. Jason worries his bike may be wired to explode, so he makes Claud wait while he checks it out. She does not wait quietly however, chattering constantly, and in the end she proves herself a gambler by getting on the bike with him, rather than standing in safety - "we live or die together" she says. (I’m kinda digging the bickering and reluctant partnership they’ve started here, I’ll have to see where it goes after this.)

Apparently The Haunted Star is the new (only?) hotspot in Port Charles - Lucky and Sam are there, Diane is looking for Max, Jerry is at the tables, even Nikolas and Nadine are gamblers tonight.

Ric and Logan discuss Anthony and how to keep him safe when he returns to Castle Dracula. Ric wants to make sure Logan remembers where his loyalties lay. Logan makes it clear that messing with Johnny is his main objective, he’s not really interested in Ric’s power-play. (If I were a gambler, my money would be on Ric winning this fight with his father, but losing far more than he bargained for in the end.)

Nikolas and Nadine enjoy cute, flirty banter at the casino. Nik invites her back to Spoon Island for tips on becoming a better gambler, but instead Nadine graciously departs, allowing for private time with ghostEmily before Nik’s surgery, which is finally forthcoming.

Alexis bursts into The Haunted Star and shuts the place down for suspected mob activity. She imagines Luke is laundering money for the Zaccharas (he is, but I am going to be vastly disappointed with Luke if Alexis actually finds proof. I mean, if an old gambler like Luke Spencer can’t cook the books effectively, he might as well be dead already!)

Sonny warns Luke about the impending war and how Lulu is in grave danger. He uses Michael as a cautionary tale, meant to inspire Luke to forgo his usual non-interference policy regarding her love-life. (I'm starting a pool that Lulu will actually listen to her father's sage advice - any gamblers? I didn't think so, the pool is empty so far.)

Speaking of Lulu’s love-life, Johnny has his guards drag Logan onto the docks. Johnny asks him where Claudia is, Logan doesn’t know so Johnny sucker-punches him in the gut - that was the wrong answer. [I am irritated on numerous levels here - first the sucker punch was uncalled-for and makes Johnny look like a knuckle-scraper (that fact annoys me because I am still clinging feverishly to my lack of Johnny-hate) The fact that Logan didn’t initially fight back, I would have been perfectly happy with - he was taking the moral high-ground, yay! BUT - ] In the next segment, Logan throws a punch, which Johnny easily deflects, before getting the upper hand (WTF? Seriously, Logan-army-commando-guy can’t take Johnny in a fight? Or at least make the fight interesting? Come ON! Why is it impossible for the writers to create conflict without making one character or the other or both of them look like imbeciles? *See my aforementioned Maxie/Lulu complaint*) . Johnny tells Logan that if anything happens to Claudia, Ric will pay. Johnny is taking a gamble here, assuming that Logan cares if Ric pays.

Ian visits Kate at Sonny’s and confesses to shooting Michael. He wants 1 million dollars to disappear, if Kate doesn’t provide it, Devlin will set Sonny up for his "murder", Ian is taking a major and unnecessary gamble here. (What does he need the money for? Where the heck is Nikolas’ $10 million? Are Port Charles streetwalkers higher-priced than I imagine?)

Previews: the competency hearing of the century begins, and the long-awaited Nik/Em goodbye finally arrives

I am all over Save the Last Dance for tomorrow’s recap

Daily Recap 4/28/08

Well, it was a Logan-less Monday, but I’m still riding high from last week, so I’ll let it slide for now.

There were a number of possibilities as far as titles go today (the entire Die Hard franchise was in the running) but I ended up going with Lucky You a 2006 release about professional gamblers starring Drew Barrymore and Eric Bana ().

We start with Temporary-Patrick blathering on and on to Coleman about how hot Anna is while Robin eavesdrops unseen. In an attempt to defend men, Coleman proceeds to tell Robin what a hot dish she herself is. This revelation causes Patrick to shove him against the wall saying “Don’t be messin’ with my Babymama”

Author’s Note - Is that one word? Should it be capitalized? And who the heck thought it was appropriate for neurosurgeon Patrick Drake to use it in a sentence?!? That is a word that should only be used on Jerry Springer or possibly in the new Tina Fey movie, nowhere else.

Ian is waylaid on the docks by Spinelli’s acute pain and misses his boat.

Sonny gets lucky again when Johnny’s bullet hits Sonny’s gun rather than any other vital organ. Lulu runs to Sonny’s side in horror as Johnny continues to ask Sonny where Claudia is. Johnny leaves after promising to kill Sonny if Claudia is harmed.

Meanwhile, Jason and Claudia are still taking fire in the cabin. They have managed not to get shot so far, and Claudia decides to press her luck by picking a fight with Jason over Sonny’s selfishness. Jason storms off, leaving Claudia alone in the cabin.

Max and Diane “accidentally” meet at the Metro Court bar. Max is nervous about Sonny finding out, and Diane tries to convince him to “man up”. Eventually Max is seduced by the thought of getting lucky again, “check please!”

Sonny and Lulu have a very interesting conversation after Johnny leaves. Lulu accuses Sonny of wanting Johnny to shoot him (she’s not exactly wrong there, unfortunately, Johnny did shoot him afterall). Sonny informs her that he was only pushing Johnny to see how far he would go - answer received I guess. Sonny warns Lulu that no one innocent is ever safe, Michael is proof of that. If Lulu is standing next to Johnny when Sonny tries to kill him in the future, she might not be as lucky as Sonny was tonight.

Jax returns from the hospital to find Morgan trying to call Michael. Poor Jax can’t fix this problem no matter how much money he has. He asks Alexis to draw up paperwork so he can formally adopt the boys.

Holy smokes - I think I saw a Mac bumper - talk about getting lucky!!

Devlin tries to foist Spinelli and his “appendicitis” off on another doctor so he can escape. Spinelli leaps onto his back and Maxie injects him with a sedative. Spixie end up in the morgue with Ian unconscious on a gurney as Epiphany bursts in. Maxie manages to convince her that they were just looking for a private place to get lucky (morgues being oh-so-romantic you know). Epiphany buys their story (apparently all the female characters are drinking stupid-juice these days)

No matter what he says, Temporary-Patrick is not lucky enough to wheedle out of this mess. Robin is convinced that she is fat, boring and un-attractive, and that he is hot for her Mom. This could have been a cute arguing Scrubs scene if only half the couple weren’t missing. Oh well, Kimberly McCullough can pretty much sell ice to eskimos. Anyway, Kelly and Lainey show up and Patty heads home. It’s "Girl’s Night Out Part 4"

Kate comes looking for the PDA that Lulu was too rattled to retrieve earlier. Sonny has another couple of great lines “My life that I stole and killed for, I can’t fix it”. Kate comforts him by suggesting they table it for the night, he cries saying “I don’t deserve you” and Kate replies “well, you have me anyway” before leading him to the bedroom to get lucky. (That might have been my first moment of Skate interest ever, it was kind of sweet. I’m off to brush my teeth now, this can not be a good sign)

Lulu summons Johnny to the docks presumably to discuss the whole “trying to kill Sonny” thing. Johnny tells he the only reason he didn’t kill Sonny was that Lulu was there. He does not seem remorseful in the least. (This is annoying the crap out of me, the kid ran around waving his gun at everyone for nine months without ever firing it, and now suddenly he’s a cold-blooded killer? Give me a break, this is just an excuse to white-wash Sonny and I refuse to be played. I stand firmly by my lack of Johnny-hate, although it is getting harder to justify by the minute) I suspect we will get more of this disturbing conversation tomorrow if we’re really unlucky

Back at the cabin, the hitman busts in and Claudia attacks him with the butter knife. He quickly gets the better of her, but Jason bursts in gun trained on the would-be-killer.

Stay tuned to see who ends up the lucky one tomorrow.

I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be any viewer who wishes Jason or Claudia dead