Port Charles Chuckles

Daily Recap 6/30/08

Today’s movie recap is entitled Where the Truth Lies, after a 2005 Kevin Bacon, Colin Firth movie about the present-day investigation of a murder that broke up one of Hollywood’s legendary comedy duos years before - it’s quite the sordid and soapy tale (with not a mob-war in sight).

We start the week with Patrick presenting Robin with a legal petition for visitation rights with his unborn child. (Oh good, more bickering, at least it's not in cyber-space this time). Robin is floored that Patrick would resort to such measures (I’m floored that they’re writing Robin this unlikeably). Scrubs are arguing when Anna shows up and tosses Patrick to the floor for causing Robin stress. Although I never tire of seeing Anna kicking butt, I am eventually going to get tired of seeing poor Patrick writhing on the ground in agony. Anna and Patrick have a much needed heart to heart, as do Robin and Elizabeth. Liz encourages Robin to make peace with Patrick before the courts get involved. In truth, if Liz could have a wonderful man who loves her and would care for her kids, she would never ask for more out of life, Robin is lucky. Anna eventually comes out on Patrick’s side and tells Robin that she would testify on his behalf if they went to court.  

Carly is at Jason’s penthouse explaining her latest pack of lies. She tells Jason how she and Sonny rocked the limo on the way back from Manhattan and now she fears she is pregnant. Is it just a forgone conclusion that Sonny has super-sperm or what? I mean really, she had sex with him once and her husband numerous times, and infertile-Myrtle is just positive the baby is Sonny’s. Jason wants her to take the test, but Carly continues to prattle on about how Sonny would never let another child go, and how she couldn’t stand to lose another child like she’s lost Michael, to the dangers of Sonny’s world. What world is that Carly? The one Sonny has left behind and Jason now lives in full-time? Is that the world you’re referring too, you insane cow? Jason says her plan is a bad idea, but that she should take the test before he explains the many reasons he is not going to lie for her again. Thank you Jason, really. Carly tinkles on the stick and thankfully she is NOT pregnant (praise-be, there is a soap-god). Although, that does raise the question of why I was forced to sit through the last week and a half of this repeated drivel. Jason is wondering the same thing as he instructs Carly "Next time, take the test before you go around telling people that I got you pregnant!!"  Jason knows the score, that was more like a "when" not an "if" next time.

Sonny runs into Jax in Kate’s office and tells him to be sure he gets Carly to take a paternity test (what a dick). After Jax leaves, Kate and Sonny have a discussion about honesty in their relationship. They agree to "the whole truth and nothing but..." (I’d say they’re off to a bang-up start.) Speaking of which - - Kate gets my nomination for Dialogue of the Day.

Dr. Matt Hunter walks in on Spixie in a compromising position on the hospital bed. Maxie takes great delight in talking up The Jackal’s sexual prowess to Dr. Mc. Full of Himself. Spinelli tries to tell the truth, but Maxie cuts him off in order to harass the new doctor.

Back at The MetroCourt, Jerry has his gun lodged firmly in Johnny’s temple as he explains to Anthony that Alexis and her daughters are not to be threatened in any way, ever again, or Johnny will pay the price. Claudia nobly attempts to trade herself for Johnny as a better hostage, but alas Jerry is relatively certain that no one would care if he shot her. Anthony tries to reason with Jerry, but Mr. Craig doesn’t negotiate with the unhinged (whatever happened to professional courtesy?). In any event, it appears Ric finally grasps the truth of what he’s done by releasing Daddy Z.

Lucky and Sam have an adorable awww moment at Kelly’s. He’s worried that he is continually cancelling plans with her due to work commitments, but Sam assures him that she understands it comes with the job. I’m liking this new secure Sam, I’m not so crazy about Greg Vaughn’s hair today though, I’m afraid. They go on to discuss Johnny and Lulu and Sam suggests that Lulu loves Johnny and Lucky admits that, in truth, that’s why he’s so scared for her - - because Lulu is too much like Laura. Am I the only one that remembers that Laura going crackers didn’t have anything to do with loving Luke? Seriously? The characters can’t see the future, their concern for Lulu’s mental stability is unwarranted because they don’t know what’s coming the way we viewers do!!!   

Lulu visits Spinelli in the hospital and Dr. Matt mistakes her and Maxie for sisters - funny. Maxie and Lulu return to Crimson where they continue to spar, this time over Johnny. Maxie accuses Lulu of flirting with Dr. Matt because she knows she’s about to lose Johnny. Later, Dr. Mc. Jackass suggests to Spinelli that he run further tests to see what’s wrong with him mentally. Poor Spin, Dr. Hunter is not getting on my good side here. The Jackal refuses the tests, remembering the disastrous results the last time he tried to be something he isn’t, it’s better to face the truth - he is who he is.

Ric visits Alexis and assures her that there was no truth behind the threat to Kristina, it was a bullying tactic, there was no need to "over-react" by sending Jerry after the Zaccharas. Alexis gets major points in my book for not beating the stuffing out of Ric with her briefcase here. Alexis tells Ric that he never should have gotten Anthony released as dangerous as he is, but Ric counters that turning Mr. Craig loose was an equally bad idea.

Nikolas tells Claudia that if she doesn’t figure out a way to secure Alexis and the girls’ safety, then he will be forced to tell Jason Morgan the truth about the hit on Sonny that injured Michael. Nikolas is willing to protect his family by whatever means necessary. I really love that everyone is leaping to Alexis’ defense here .

Jerry and Johnny are in some generic warehouse - Johnny assures Jerry that Alexis and the children are safe now that Anthony understands that he "miscalculated" by threatening them in the first place. Johnny makes it clear that he doesn’t approve of his father’s methods, and Jerry makes it clear that he doesn’t make idol threats - - he will blow both Johnny and Claudia’s heads off if the slightest harm comes to Alexis or Kristina. As Jerry turns to leave, Johnny jumps him (boy they don’t make cold-blooded mercenaries with lightning-fast reflexes like they used to ). Johnny ends up with the gun, but Claudia arrives on the scene before he can pull the trigger. Jerry taunts Claudia to tell Johnny the truth about what will happen if Jerry ends up dead.

Sonny arrives at Casa Stone Cold - he wants the truth - "are you sleeping with Carly?"

Daily Recap 6/27/08

Another lack-luster week concluded with a whimper on General Hospital today. I suppose it was meant to be exciting, but since we all know where this Carly story is going, Guza missed his mark by a landslide.

As inspiration for today’s recap, I am going to use a 1997 movie staring Meryl Streep, called First, Do No Harm. This was an inspirational film about a mother fighting the "system" in order to get the best medical care for her epileptic son.

We start with Lulu visiting Johnny at the PCPD. Tracy is still there and begs Lulu to listen to reason, she will never come first in Johnny’s life, she will always be second to the business. Lulu remains firm in her resolve and Tracy lobs a parting shot "I’ll reserve you a room at Shadybrook". Lulu says Tracy’s just being mean, but Johnny says that doesn’t mean she’s wrong.  Lulu reiterates that she is not her mother. I am going to end up in Shadybrook if the writers don’t knock off this heavy-handed foreshadowing crap - - enough already, we get it!!

Robin is leaving for work when Patrick arrives with breakfast - they argue some more. He thinks she should take an extra day to rest while she wants to head back to the hospital immediately. Why oh why must the writers squander such talent and prettiness on such a crap storyline? Anna arrives in the midst of Scrubs’ yelling and ushers Patrick out the door. Anna assures Robin that she and the baby come first in Anna’s life - work can take a back-burner temporarily. When Anna takes a briefing call, Robin sneaks out to the hospital.   

Maxie and Dr. Matt Hunter have an acrimonious first encounter - - they clutz into each other, then they argue. Apparently his medical oath of first, do no harm doesn’t apply to PDAs, he steps on Kate’s and ruins it, thus rendering Maxie hysterical. Matt doesn’t seem the least bit sorry, even after Nikolas (the sponsor of his fellowship) suggests an attitude adjustment. What did we call Patrick when he started? Mc Hormone, I think, and Ian Devlin was Mc Sleazy. I shall dub Dr. Matt....Mc. Full-of-Himself...or maybe Mc. Jackass? Maybe I’d better wait to see how he develops before saddling him with an unfavorable moniker. In any event, he and Patrick have a Mc. measuring contest and Patrick is sure to let the youngster know who’s cock of the walk around General Hospital.

Claudia comes by the PCPD to see Johnny, but Mac tells her one visitor at a time and someone else has gotten there first. Claudia wants Mac to get rid of the other visitor, to which Mac responds "I’m not John Zacchara’s social secretary" It’s a pity too, Mac would probably get more air-time if he was. Johnny is released and he and Lulu plan on "celebrating" by going for a drive until Claudia mentions that Daddy wants to see them right away.

Jason is slumbering by Spinelli’s bedside when Claudia comes by to check on the lovable nerd. After she departs, Spinelli mentions Vixenella’s apparent feelings for Jason, which Liz has the misfortune of overhearing. The Jackal tries to correct his blunder, but only succeeds in making the situation sound worse, and doing more harm than good in the end.      

Having heard about Carly’s possible pregnancy from Kate, Sonny is waiting in Carly’s living room. Sonny suspects the baby is his, but Carly argues that first, there may not even be a baby, but if there was, it belongs to Jason and not to Sonny. Okay, I may despise Carly with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns, but usually I can follow her logic, I don’t agree with it 99% of the time, but I can at least ‘see’ what her goal is - this time - I have no clue WTF she is thinking!! Sonny believes her story way too easily and departs. Was the man not married to her like twenty times? Has he learned nothing?

Alexis tells Jerry exactly what Anthony Zacchara said when he threatened Kristina. Jerry assures Alexis not to worry, "I’ll take it from here". The delivery of that line was both blood-chilling and oddly comforting at the same time - Sebastian Roche is good, I’ll give him that, now if the writers would just do something useful (or at least consistent) with his character I’d be a happy camper. Later, Alexis confides in Nikolas that she doubts the wisdom of releasing Mr. Craig upon the world.

Sonny goes to see Kate, and at first it seems like he’s going to tell her about Carly’s pregnancy and his possible role as sperm donor, but Kate continually cuts him off by chattering on about how much she believes in him and how happy she is about the wedding, etc. and Sonny eventually drops the subject.

Diane is waiting for Jason at his condo, and disinfecting the pool table while she’s at it. Talk about a full-service attorney! First, they discuss business and then Diane warns Jason that Carly is in trouble, but she "has a plan" (more terrifying words were never spoken) and will probably be coming to Jason for help soon. Shortly thereafter, Carly arrives on his doorstep with a pregnancy test.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse + Claudia are meeting in Anthony’s hotel room to discuss the situation. Daddy Z mentions that Alexis is a problem, but he has the perfect leverage to use against her. This is the moment Jerry chooses to make his presence known. I find it comforting that all the Zacchara bodyguards are incompetent and not just Logan. How the heck did Jerry get in there? Jerry puts a gun to John’s head and says first, they need to have a little chat, after which he may or may not blow Johnny’s brains all over Anthony’s lap. Can I make a suggestion? Just shoot Anthony for crying out loud - it would solve a lot of problems for a lot of people.

Daily Recap 6/26/08

Well folks, it was a sadly Logan-less day in Port Charles, but it was also Sonny-less, so I guess we'll call it a wash.

For today's recap, I am going to use Suspicious Minds, not only an awesome Elvis song, but also a 1997 Gary Busey movie.  That ought to tell you something right there - I'm an insomniac with nothing better to watch at 3 am, and also, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to movie titles.

We pick back up where we left off with Jax and Carly - - it's a new day and she's feeling naseous again, and Jax is suspicious that she may be pregnant.  They are having the same argument they've had for the past three days, she refuses to take a home test and gives Jax some lame excuse which he buys.  Are we going to have to suffer through nine months of this crap until the baby finally comes out with jet-black hair and Jax gets a clue?

Nikolas and Nadine open their clinic (it looks more like The Ritz), but unfortunately, they have no patients.  Nik is suspicious this may be due to sabotage, and is proven right when Mayor Floyd stops by to gloat.  Fortunately, plucky Nadine and wrist-duckie are on the case - they go into the ghetto alone and unarmed to fetch those in need and bring them to the clinic.

Crazy Daddy Z visits Johnny at the PCPD and promises that he'll do "whatever it takes" (this is me shivering - the man gives me the heebie-jeebies) to secure John's release.  Anthony is suspicious of the cops and of Alexis, he thinks they'll railroad his son without evidence because they failed to put him away.

Scott tries to push Alexis into indicting Johnny, but she remains suspicous of a bias on Scott's part (really? the heck you say).  Anthony stops by to threaten Kristina again, saying that if she eases his worries about his child, he will ease hers.  Alexis calls Jerry for aid.  Jerry promises to handle the situation (again, I am quaking in my boots, I don't think I'd care to see the return of Mr. Craig).

Tracy visits Monica in rehab, three cheers for the veterans.  Another three cheers for not rushing Monica's recovery story.  At first, Monica is suspicious of Tracy's motives, but then Tracy asks her advice on how to deal with Lulu and her involvement in the mob.  Monica advises Tracy put her manipulation skills to good use and break JoLu up ASAP, for Lulu's life is at stake!

Kate and Maxie discuss wedding plans - shoes, dresses, location, date, Sonny's suit (he wasn't on today, so of course they had to mention him 50 times ), etc.  Jax comes by to discuss the magazine, but raises Kate's suspicions when he mentions that Carly refuses to take a pregnancy test.

Claudia visits John in jail - - they talk about their father and Lulu.  Claudia still thinks love kills, she worries that Lulu will eventually turn John into their father.  Johnny says Lulu makes him happy, but Claudia is suspicious that Lulu hates her, and will try to turn Johnny against her in the end.

Ric tries to position Claudia against Johnny by pointing out that if John was in jail, Claudia would be Anthony's only chance at immortality and therefore, her power within the family business would grow.  Claudia tells Ric that he doesn't understand Daddy Z at all, and that if he was the slightest bit suspicious of Ric of plotting against his beloved son, Ric would be dead-meat.

Tracy visits Johnny (it's like grand central station down at the precinct, thank goodness the cops don't have actual cases to solve or they wouldn't have time to play doorman for Johnny's visitors).  Tracy shares her own experience with organized crime, and warns of the danger to Lulu either by bullet or by mental illness.  Tracy attempts to use Johnny's guilt over his mother's death to her advantage.  Johnny is suspicious of Tracy's motives, pointing out that she's all over the map with her warnings.  That's the point - - Tracy urges Johnny to let Lulu go because there are many ways Lulu could get hurt, and only one way that she won't.

Carly meets with Diane at Jake's - she wants to know her legal rights if the baby she may or may not be carrying is Sonny's.  Bad news - Sonny has all normal parental rights to this unborn child, and if he becomes suspicious that the baby is his, I think we all know what will happen.  Warning - - many mentions of Sonny and his super-human sperm abound in this segment, watch with extreme caution.

Maxie visits General Hospital to see Spinelli and bumps into Dr. Matt Hunter - - they share about two seconds screen-time during which they bump into each other and exclaim angrily - - stay tuned tomorrow for the continuation of this much-anticipated reunion.