Port Charles Chuckles

Daily Recap 8/18/08

For today's movie-recap, let's start the week off with a title that describes current General Hospital perfectly - - - Blow.  You can really never go wrong with Johnny Depp movies, and this 2001 feature is a laugh-riot a minute  as it chronicles the spunky entrepreneur who established America's cocaine market, back in the 70s.  Well, it's more cheerful than General Hospital at any rate!

Today's episode starts with. . . what else, a shoot-out .  The DEA got a tip about Karpov's shipment (which Sam is landing), and they burst in, guns blazing.  Lucky manages to get to a wounded Sam, and protects her by flashing his badge.  Lucky wants to take Sam to GH, but she refuses to blow her cover, it's only a flesh-wound.  Am I the only one who's never understood why that statement is supposed to be comforting?  Sam tells Lucky "I've been shot before you know, more than once, by the way", to which Lucky replies "That's not re-assuring me".  Lucky insists on calling Elizabeth for help, and LuSam confess their fake break-up as Liz bandages Sam.  This was the only upbeat segment of the entire show, and it involved cleaning a gun-shot wound, yup good times.  On the up-side, LuSam were cute and I continue to enjoy the lack of bickering between Liz and Sam - adult women having civil conversations, hoorah!    

Just when Sonny and Jason are finally having a much-needed heart-to-heart, Kate interrupts and blows the whole reconciliation by butting her perfectly coiffed head into a matter that is none of her concern.  Kate jumps to the conclusion that Jason wants Sonny back in the mob (it's really quite the opposite). Jason leaves abruptly, saying he "won't be back" (Oh good, more opportunity for mis-understanding and second-guessing before our dynamic duo reconcile and throw the "bad" guys out of Port Charles).  Sonny assures Kate that he is not getting back into the non-coffee-business.  Sonny also tells Sasha the same thing when she attempts to convince him to compromise with Karpov.  Sonny describes his relationship with Jason to Kate as that of a father and son, with Jason now going through his teenage rebellion.  Yup, I'm back to finding SKate a snooze-fest, I really think staying away from the mob-stuff is the way to go with them.

Carly is limping her way along the docks carrying a picnic-basket (you may remember, if you care, that she injured her ankle last week), when she runs across Andre Karpov.  She tries to blow him off, but he becomes suspicious of her sudden change in behavior.  Carly explains that her husband is back in town now, and they will have to be more discreet about their "fun on the side".  Karpov promises to be in touch soon (insert full-body shudder here, Comrade Creepy skeeves me big-time).  Carly eventually makes her way to The MetroCourt, where Jax is living temporarily, picnic basket in hand.  In true Carly fashion, she discards the "Do Not Disturb" sign, and knocks briskly.  Seriously, what a perfect metaphor for Carly's whole outlook on life - - forget what anyone else wants, I'm getting MY way.  CarJax discuss possible reconciliation (for the umpteenth time).

Friday's scene at Shady Brook continues with the cops eventually handcuffing Johnny, as Lulu is placed in a straight-jacket (time jumped ahead a bit, we missed exactly what happened here, but the straight-jacket and heavy sedatives seemed gratuitously vile IMHO).  Lulu is injected with a sedative as Johnny struggles wildly, yelling for them to let her go.  Nikolas and Claudia arrive on the scene too late, as the police strike blows to Johnny's prone figure, and Lulu is too doped-up to struggle any more.

Anthony runs into Elizabeth at General Hospital while he's waiting for his physical therapy appointment.  He finds the time to threaten her by saying she "may be useful someday, by helping [him] to communicate with Jason". Liz stands her ground, citing Lucky and Ric as ex-husbands of hers that Daddy Z shouldn't mess with.  Trevor shows up and blows Anthony's cheerful bullying-bent by announcing that Johnny has just been re-arrested.

Bernie   informs Jason of the DEA's move on Karpov's shipment.  Bernie advises Jason that Karpov isn't content with cat and mouse games like Zacchara is. Karpov goes straight for the jugular, Jason may blow his chance, if he lets Karpov make the first move.  Apparently Bernie is now filling the role of Stone Cold's all-knowing strategic advisor - yay Bernie, he was bound to get a promotion one of these days.  Bernie wants Cody to arrange for the kill, but Jason intends to handle it personally.

Nikolas requests Lainey Winters as Lulu's doctor.  Nikolas removes the straight-jacket and tries to talk to Lulu about what happened.  Lulu keeps repeating "it's all my fault, I did it", but stops short of confessing to the actual killing, she just keeps muttering about leading Logan on.  Nikolas understands that Lulu feels guilty for Logan's death, but fails to grasp her actual role in it.  At the PCPD, Claudia slaps Scott Baldwin for man-handling Johnny, but Mac convinces Scott not to press charges for risk of blowing the case against Johnny by proving his predjudice in persecuting Claudia.  

Sasha and Karpov discuss the DEA raid on the docks.  Karpov decides that it is too costly to eliminate Jason, he may be forced to compromise for once in his life.  Nearby, Jason waits with a rifle for a clear shot.  Just as Jason stands poised to blow Karpov's head off, a young girl rushes into Karpov's arms - - Daddy!.

Daily Recap 8/14/08

Today's belated recap is entitled The Sixth Sense in honor of Lulu - - because, you know, she sees dead people .  Brutally hot dead people in third-grade Halloween-costume crappy zombie make-up, but dead people none-the-less.

The episode starts with Lulu screaming her head off as Lourdes watches in fear, and Johnny rushes to calm her.  Lourdes offers to call an ambulance (good thinking there brain-trust, try looking up fugitive in the dictionary), but Johnny says he can handle it.  Later, Sal stops by to offer more well-meaning romantic advice - - "Linda" needs more help than "Joe" can give her.  Why oh why is the gun-toting gang-banger the only one with any sense in this storyline? Lulu wants Johnny to run far, far away from her, but he refuses.  They leave NY and head for Canada - - Vancouver (isn't that on the west-coast?), but Lulu starts freaking out when Johnny misses the turn to Canada (??? Cause, there's only one?) and starts heading toward Shady Brook.  Okay, clearly geography isn't General Hospital's strong suit either.   

Alexis comes clean to Sonny about the threats Anthony made toward Kristina.  Sonny (totally in-character) seems more concerned that Alexis went to Jerry with the problem first, than worried for his daughter's safety.  Sonny promises Alexis he will handle the situation.  Having no sense of manners or current power-rank, Sonny orders Jason to come see him immediately.  Sonny tells Jason that his arrangement with Karpov is over, and has no idea why Jason is so shirty over the whole incident, he was only trying to help, after all.  Sonny also wants Jason to put the fear of God into Anthony Zacchara, so he'll leave Kristina alone.

Jax and Carly continue to have the same cringe-inducing argument  that they've been having for the last few weeks - - she's a worthless, self-absorbed, bottom-feeding, delusional cow and he's a prince among men who deserves much better than Carly and her extracurricular limo-shenanigans.  (I might be paraphrasing a tad there).  In any event, she claims to have sprained her ankle and Jax, having finally regained his sense, thinks she's faking and leaves her.  Sadly, he returns later to check on Carly's injury and pays her a bunch of compliments that lead me to believe that Jax wasn't in Sydney closing some important business deal, rather he was getting high on hallucinagenic mushrooms in some ashram and now, no longer has the necessary brain cells required to tell reality from delusion .  In other words, now he is perfect for Carly!   

Adorable Robin and Jason scene at the hospital with Jason feeling the baby kick, whilst staring longingly at Elizabeth with Cameron and Jake.  Robin gives Jason credit for making her believe in a future, after Stone died.  I did so love Robin and Jason back in the day - - it's nice when they still share scenes occasionally.  Robin tells Jason that she wants him to be a part of the baby's life, but later comes to her senses when Patrick expresses his fatherly concern.  Robin agrees - - it's much too dangerous for Uncle Jason to interact with the little muffin.  I love that the writers didn't use this as an excuse for Scrubs to start bickering again. Yippee for peace on Earth.

Dr. Hunter continues his diagnosis of Spinelli, as well as his childish bickering with Maxie.  At least Spinelli has the sense to point out that he notices "more than mutual loathing" in the Matt & Maxie interactions.  Maxie denies anything other than a strong dislike for Matt.  Maxie goes on to say that she has "bad taste in men, but great taste in friends". Aww, Spixie

The Crimson office is back on display - Kate is being bitchy, Maxie is being efficient, Clarice is just sitting there, and Jax can't seem to get his mind off of Carly to focus on vital, fashion issues.

 

Lucky surprises Sam with a passionate evening in her apartment.  I laughed when he said "I've been breaking and entering since I was a kid".   I like the Spencer-side of Lucky that Sam seems to bring out in him.  As they are enjoying cuddly after-glow, Lucky invites Sam to move in with him, once the Karpov investigation is over with.  Sam promises to think about it.  If Sam had any sense, she wouldn't need to think, at all.    

Anthony questions Claudia once again about whether she has heard from Johnny - - she denies it.  Castle Dracula is re-built, and Daddy took the liberty of having her and Johnny's things packed-up and returned home. Claudia is not happy with this development.  Anthony threatens Claudia's life again (bored now).  If the writers had any sense, they'd have him make another attempt or stop talking about it entirely, what is the point of repetitive empty-threats?  Sonny shows up looking peeved.

Daily Recap 8/13/08

I may have to give up on the idea of "daily" recaps at the rate I’m going lately, alas "every once and a while, when I feel like it" recaps, is way too long for a category title. I will eventually have to resolve that little dilemma, but for now, let’s just recap today’s show.

For today’s recap title, I am going to use 1993's A Perfect World, starring Kevin Costner and directed by Clint Eastwood.  I can't help it, General Hospital just gets me thinking along Dirty Harry-lines.

We start my recap in a perfect world of domestic pre-baby bliss for my beloved Scrubs. Robin and Patrick are at the hospital to have an ultrasound and learn the sex of their little muffin. Patrick is summoned to the OR for an emergency, but makes it back in time to hear the verdict - - it’s a girl!! It’s touching and sweet (and funny) as Patrick freaks out about raising a little girl in a world with big, bad men who only want one thing. I say it’s Karma and it’s fantastic!!!

Spinelli has passed-out in the SUV from the heat, and his head lands on the horn, announcing their stake-out-presence to anyone within a ten-block radius. Fortunately, Jason has his "cloak of invisibility" on, and he manages to carry Spin (over his shoulder) from the driver’s seat, around the car, and deposit him in the passenger seat, and then drive off, all before anyone notices them . It was a mildly comical scene bordering on absurd (as so many Spinelli scenes do), but I really like the chemistry of Steve Burton and Bradford Anderson. The look on Jason’s face when he kept saying "don’t throw-up in my car" was hysterical. In a perfect world, Jason would leave the mob and stop killing people for money to open Jackal & Stone PI - - -  I can dream, can’t I?

Alexis’ perfect world of summer picnics with her daughter in the park, is ruined when she finds Kristina talking to Anthony Zacchara while her babysitter chats on the phone. Daddy Z makes another veiled threat against Kristina and then departs. The actress who plays Kristina cut her hair and she is just cute as a button. Alexis calls Diane and they try to talk out the issue rationally. Later, Alexis tells Jerry how much she trusts him, but does not confide about the latest threat. Instead, Alexis goes to see Sonny.

Trevor asks Sonny to "call in any favors" that he may have remaining, in order to find Johnny and Lulu. Otherwise, Anthony is fixing to lose his marbles, and everyone Sonny loves will pay the price if that happens. Kate interrupts their conversation, giving Trevor a chance to be crass and creepy by reminding Sonny how often Kate used to "express her gratitude" when they were romantically linked, years ago. Something tells me that Trevor won’t be getting to drink from one of those diamond-encrusted champagne flutes at the reception. Kate expresses her worry about Lulu (excuse me? Since when does Kate give two flips about her lowly assistants?). Kate wants to know what Sonny would like as a wedding gift. He says all he needs is her - awww, SKate might be growing on me, they are kind-of cute together. I still don’t like either character in their professional capacity, however. Sonny gets all nostalgic for the perfect world of his early childhood (before Mike left), he wants something from The Brooklyn Dodger’s old Ebbet’s Field.

Johnny comes home from the Deli (with Pastrami and black&white cookies) and finds Lulu staring blankly out the window. I’m sure she was just enjoying the view, the project’s are lovely this time of year. Johnny wants her to talk to a professional about her hallucinations. Now?!?  Now that the cops have a "shoot-to-kill" order? Lulu doesn’t think this is a very good plan (I am forced to agree). Johnny points out that it was his mistake in forcing her to lie about Logan’s death in the first place, she wanted to tell the truth and he stopped her from doing so. Now, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to help her, even if it means turning himself in. Lulu won’t hear of Johnny going to trial, in a perfect world, they will just keep running together and everything will be fine.    

Jax returns home with a present for Morgan - - a boomerang. That Morgan kid is adorable too, they should totally pair him and Kristina in ten years (oh wait, they’re related by Sonny’s super-seed, aren’t they?). Oh well, I’m sure they’ll SOARS them to teenagers any minute now anyway, so nevermind. Bobbie mention yay! Jax informs Carly that he isn’t moving back in, he just stopped by to say hello to Morgan. Carly is upset, and goes about being clingy and horrible in an attempt to force Jax to see the error of his ways. Doesn’t she realize that she can’t brow-beat someone into loving her? Actually, I guess that strategy has worked for her in the past, now that I think about it. Carly falls and hurts her ankle, but Jax believes it’s a ruse - - Carly looks offended. Right, because handcuffing yourself to a man against his will is just fine, but faking an orthopedic injury is over-the-top?

Jason brings Spinelli to the hospital, giving him a chance to 1.) be yelled at by Maxie, 2.) gaze longingly at Elizabeth, and 3.) run into a beaming Robin (ahhh, the gold-old Jobin days). Dr. Hunter examines Spinelli, trying to gauge his pupillary response, but The Jackal refuses to look directly into the flashlight, leading to my favorite exchange of the day. In a perfect world, banter and bicker would always be done this well on GH, alas. . .

Randomly, Jerry warns Kate that Sonny’s past misdeeds will almost certainly catch-up with him eventually. WTH? Random much? Perhaps someone saw my suggestions for AU GH - - Jate in 2008 version 2.0 - - anyone?

Anthony is arranging roses in the newly-restored Castle Dracula when Trevor returns from his Henny-Penny riff (the sky is falling!, the sky is falling!!!). Trevor asks an increasingly unstable Daddy Z what outcome he expects from this whole Johnny debacle. In a perfect world, Johnny would be returned safely and not have to serve any jail-time. On second-thought, this is General Hospital, perhaps his expectations aren’t that unreasonable after-all?   

Meanwhile, back in Manhattan, Lourdes has blown a fuse in her apartment and needs Johnny to fix it for her. In a perfect world, I would always have someone as adorable as Brandon Barash to fix my fuses for me. Darn, that character of Lourdes really annoys me though. Lulu and Lourdes are making sandwiches when Lulu sees zombie-Logan standing in the corner. Lulu leaps from the chair, backing away and screaming like a banshee. How in the world are they going to explain this to Crush-girl? Something tells me that Johnny is going to have to really turn on the charm to keep this incident quiet - - I see hourly piano-lessons in the offing.