Port Charles Chuckles

I'll Have What She's Having

 

Okay, so this has absolutely nothing to do with General Hospital except that Nancy Lee Grahn tweeted the link.  It's really hysterical (again, no relation to GH) and I just had to share - -

 

 

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

 

 

I want to be Helen Mirren when I grow up.  That is all.

From the "oh god, oh god, my eyes!" Files

 

As promised, I have been dutifully slogging my way through the last five weeks worth of General Hospital episodes.  With a good deal of fast-forwarding, a fair amount of Arbor Mist, and the occasional mental-health break, I have managed to knock out three weeks in the past five days, leaving me only two weeks behind at this point in time.

 

Unfortunately, I believe I have now reached another mental-health break-ing point.  Having survived the Jason and Sam wedding that wasn't (subtitle: it's not a nuptial in Port Charles until a Falconeri gets shot) and Michael's dickish behavior after.  Having survived Sonny and nuKate's apparent reconnection (at least it looks as though they're getting along as I fast-forward past), and the PCPD's bumbling incompetence as Shawn makes bombs from Liquid Plumbr and squirrels away illegal narcotics under their noses.  AND having endured the beginning three-quarters of Luke's redemption tour 2011 with great intestinal fortitude on my part, I am now admitting defeat and taking a much-needed break from my marathon due to the unfortunate Steve and Olivia MetroCourt scenes of October 10th.

 

Now, I am all in favor of letting a forty-ish couple have some sceen-time and show that they can still be romantic and sexy.  I'd prefer watching them to the teenagers 99% of the time, truth be told.  Show me Jax & Carly (although I loathe her terribly) or Sonny & Brenda over Michael & Abby any day of the week, THAT is your audience daytime execs: forty-ish.

 

I am also a well-documented supporter of Scott Reeves' washboard abs, I am in favor of show-casing them whenever possible (I also think he should wear those adorable glasses more often too).  However, "sexy" is the operative word here - - sexy, not sleazy. 

 

A stripper pole?!?  What the what, guys?  For the love of all that is holy, pole-dancing should be reserved for the Paradise Lounge.

 

I am seriously disturbed, ya'll.

 

I actually don't hate Steve and Olivia as a couple, I just think that trying to force them into being something that they aren't is a huge mistake.  Johnny and Olivia were fire and passion and stripper poles and banging against walls, threatening to devour each other whole.  Steve and Olivia are something different - - they're sweet and respectful, they laugh, they have fun together - - it's not better or worse necessarily, it's just a different type of chemistry and it should be treated accordingly, rather than forced awkwardly into fitting someone else's mold.

 

It will take some serious effort to erase those embarrasing scenes from my brain.  Oh look - - Revenge will be starting in a half-hour - - that oughta do it. 

 

On Second Thought . . . .

 

. . . . trying to catch up on an entire month's worth of General Hospital is a gargantuan task not to be attempted in a single weekend.  That way lies madness . . . . and cirrhosis of the liver.

 

This weekend's mini-marathon ended abruptly when Dante got shot (AGAIN!?!) and Michael acted like a complete jackhole about it (AGAIN!?! goes without saying, right?) and I decided that keeping current on Castle, Revenge and Ringer had definitely been the right call all along.

 

Speaking of Revenge, is anyone else watching?  Because, it is deliciously soapy and awesome.  I have a hard time imagining how the payback-concept can continue throughout multiple seasons, but for right now I am thoroughly enjoying this show.

 

The series begins with a literal bang, as gunshots ring out.  A man in a white tuxedo jacket falls to the sand dead as fireworks burst overhead, signaling the end of summer in the Hamptons and the start of Labor Day weekend.  Nearby, a crowd of well-dressed society folk celebrate an engagement under an elaborate tent: ice sculptures and caterers abound. 

 

Flashing back to the beginning of the summer five months earlier, Emily Thorne (played by Emily VanCamp from Everwood and Brothers & Sisters) is the new kid in town, renting the mansion next door to The Grayson Family which is headed by a fabulously wicked Madeline Stowe as Victoria.  Using flashbacks, the viewer learns that Emily (whose real name is Amanda Clarke) spent an ideal summer in that very house when she was eight years old with her widower father, played by the winning James Tupper (he was so simple and charming in ABC's short-lived Men in Trees that I have chosen to pretend that he isn't married to nutbar Anne Heche off-screen, so I continue to enjoy him on-screen). 

 

Sadly, that very summer fifteen? years ago was when Emily's father was arrested and wrongly imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit by Madeline Stowe's character (with whom he was having an affair) and her powerful husband, among many other co-conspirators.

 

Growing up a ward of the state, Emily believed her father was guilty until her release on her eighteenth birthday (many years before our story takes place) when a socially awkward computer genius who's company her father had invested in years before, delivered a box of her (now deceased) father's belongings.  In this box, her father's journals told the story of his betrayal and framing by people he'd believed were his friends.

 

In the present time, having created a new identity for herself, Emily arrives in the Hamptons (wealthy because of her Dad's investment in the nerd's company) bent on avenging the wrongs against her father. 

 

In episode one, Emily destroys the secretary who falsely testified against her father at his trial by revealing her extramarital affair with Victoria Grayson's husband.  In episode two, Emily arranges for the hedge-fund manager who was her father's closest confidant and ultimate betrayer to lose all his client's money in a false stock-tip.  In episode three, the prosecutor who condemned her father in spite of evidence proving his innocence is now running for Governor and Emily ends his political career by threatening to expose his affair and soon-to-be baby with a former staffer to the entire world.  In episode four, Emily broadcasts therapy sessions of the Hampton's elite society members (including herself, to avert suspicion) thus ruining the credibility of the psychiatrist who had been bribed by Victoria to lock little Amanda away many years ago.

 

See what I mean about the longevity of the concept?  You'd think they'll have to run out of guilty people to punish pretty soon.

 

In any event, complicating matters for Emily is the fact that the computer geek (Nolan Ross) has decided to summer in The Hamptons this year and he recognizes her as Amanda Clarke immediately.  Although he seems eager to help her punish those who wronged the only man to ever believe in him and his company, Emily resents the intrusion and their relationship is prickly at best.  Plus, he's hella creepy so I can't decide if he's really on her side or not.  It bears mentioning that I am totally on her side.

 

Another wrinkle in Emily's plans is the presence of her childhood love Jack, who apparently still carries a torch having adopted her yellow lab Sam and named his boat "Amanda" after a girl he knew when he was 8.  Is that not the sweetest thing? Swoon.

 

Side Note: Jack is played by Nick Wechsler who some of you may remember as Sheriff Valenti's son Kyle in Roswell, like a decade ago.  Poor Kyle - - he never got the girl (not Liz, not Tess, maybe Isabel off-screen?), he was always getting tossed around both physically and emotionally, and he was always the poor schlub that got stuck being hypnotized into carrying dead bodies out to cars, yada yada.  Anywho, he looks great and his chemistry with VanCamp is very spark-y.  Here's hoping he finally gets the girl . . .

 

Alas, standing in Jack's way is Daniel Grayson (Madeline Stowe's son) who appears to be a significant piece of Emily's plan of revenge, as she set about seducing him almost immediately.  Unfortunately for Daniel, he also appears to be the dead body on the beach at the beginning of the show.  This is unfortunate for all of us because the boy is adorable (I mean, seriously lickable) and so far, the character seems like a fairly decent guy and not one deserving of being shot in the back. 

 

Personally, I'm holding out hope that it's mistaken identity and Daniel's not the one who got killed (maybe his jerk-y roomate instead?).  I'm also hoping the fact that Jack was standing over the body is a red herring, because it would totally suck to lose one or both of them.

 

Rounding out the cast of characters are Jack's little brother and Daniel's little sister who are having a burgeoning rich girl/poor boy romance, Emily's only girlfriend who is an event-planner for the Graysons, Daniel's college roommate who seems to have nefarious motives, and Grayson's head of "security" Frank (the excellent Max Martini, who gave a chilling turn as a hitman on Castle last year) and is currently giving a chilling performance as the man in charge of cleaning up "messes" for the Graysons, so he may have to worry about being type-cast as a killer pretty soon.

 

Revenge is on Wednesday nights at 10pm on ABC.

 

And in conclusion, it might be a little while before I'm completely current on General Hospital again.