Last week, with Father's Day fast-approaching, my own father partook of his favorite past-time: reminding me of all the embarrassing things I've done in my life (always a lengthy list) over dinner and drinks (the drinks were mostly mine). As the meal progressed, the conversation turned toward his favorite Father's Day gifts of the past - - my tiny kindergarten handprint impressed in cement in a Dixie paperbowl, the "ashtray" from third grade art class, The Bob Newhart Show DVD box-set, concert tickets to see Crosby, Stills & Nash.
What was his absolute favorite Father's Day gift ever? An hour-long VHS stand-up comedy video I gave him when I was, probably like twelve, featuring Paula Poundstone. Funny story about that video - - it was a Kellogg's Pop Tarts promotional give-away that cost me 6 UPC symbols and $1.99 postage & handling.
It simply boggles my mind that of all the extremely thoughtful and/or pitch-perfect gag-gifts that I've given him over the years (my own personal favorite being a t-shirt with the phrase "we're not old, we're recycled teenagers" above a screen-printed photo of him as an actual teenager), that particular video ranks so highly in his memory - - I didn't even buy the Poptarts!!!
I'm not saying that I didn't put a lot of effort into obtaining that particular gift, it was actually quite difficult. Growing up, my parents, crazy hippies that they were (as evidenced by my elvish first-name), never let my sister or I eat unhealthy processed foods like Pop Tarts (or white bread). We were forced to eat PB & J sandwiches with 12-grain organic bread and that disgusting all-natural peanut butter that comes with the oil on top that you have to mix before spreading (we were seriously abused, it was terrible). In any event, I had to sneak surreptitiously into the cupboards of friends after-school and cut the UPC symbols out of their boxes to send away for that video, not to mention wait 6-8 weeks for delivery.
All kidding aside, I'm actually really thrilled to hear that Dad thought so highly of one of the least-expensive gifts I ever got for him. Given the current economy, it's coupons for "free hugs" and "daughterly bonding time" all the way this Father's Day.
So I hadn't thought about that video in ages until my father mentioned it last week, but then I started remembering how he had watched it repeatedly over the years and I realized that I still had many of those jokes memorized. I particularly remember Paula Poundstone explaining her theory on domesticity - - if it requires more than 3 steps, it counts as cooking (pop tarts themselves fell into that category if you count opening the package as I recall). Next, there was some guy wondering why people continue to exercise and eat well even after they get married - - "the race is over, take off the uniform!!" he chortled. And last but not least, there was Anthony Griffith giving us his thoughts on the battle of the sexes.
And this is the part that reminds me of Friday's General Hospital, because watch this - -
Isn't that pretty much exactly what happened between Maxie and Spinelli and the gun-wielding Dr. Lisa on Friday? Maxie ran her mouth and Spinelli ended up getting shot.
If I recall, my Dad's comedy video (which clearly pre-dates youtube) actually had a longer version of that particular joke wherein the police are called to the scene after the shooting:
Officer: Ma'am, can you explain to me why exactly the mugger felt compelled to empty every chamber in his gun, re-load, and then do it again? I'm just a little confused here, and judging by the expression on your husband's face, so was he.
Woman: {fanning herself} Why, I just don't know officer, we were just talking and the next thing I knew . . . {grasping chest in melodramatic fashion} he went crazy. I . . . I'm just so upset . . . I may need to take that insurance money and move to the Bahamas.
And in conclusion, as General Hospital viewers deal with yet another hostage crisis taking place in the hospital, it's important to keep our sense of humor.
And remember, it's the thought that counts.
And I think that Garin Wolfe's material should begin airing any minute now.
OK, let's see, Lisa is handcuffed, on the floor, and then miraculously gets out of the handcuffs -- shouldn't someone have taken the handcuff key from her security guard uniform? Oh wait, I forgot, this is GH!
Posted by: Sandy | June 21, 2011 at 08:49 AM
Hey! Long time no read your posts! Another clever post! Hope all is well and the summer is being good to you. -Lindsey
Posted by: Lindsey | July 04, 2011 at 08:56 PM