Port Charles Chuckles

The Timing was Unfortunate

 

Back at the beginning of March, I implored my reading audience to call 9-1-1 if a week or more passes between blog entries, because  I may have fallen and can't reach the remote.  As it turns out, my timing really stinks because right about that same time, General Hospital took a turn for the . . . . well, stinky . . . and I am having a hard time motivating myself to blog about it.

 

I have very little to say about this past week in Port Charles.  Unless something truly exciting happened on Friday (which I haven't watched yet) "blarg"  pretty much sums-up my thoughts on the week. 

 

Fortunately, there is an emoticon for almost every occasion - -

 

So, Lisa's grand plan to drug Kristina was all so that she could plant a bug in the house and eavesdrop on Scrubs' pillowtalk?  As opposed to, say, stealing Patrick's key and making herself a copy like she did the last time she wanted to trespass?  WAY too much convoluted effort there, crazy.

 

What ever happened to Terrell?  

 

Michael refuses to stay away from Abby even though it might lead to him being sent back to Pentonville.

 

Abby refuses to push Michael away for his own good, even though her dumb-ass choices have led them to this predicament.   Darn-it, I liked Michael and Abby before Guza's latest murder-mystery turned them both into such imbeciles!!! 

 

Lucian is gone .  I did quite a bit of babysitting in my day, and for some really troublesome children too, and NOT ONCE did any of them ever get kidnapped, shot in the head, or hit by a car when I turned my back for a few minutes. 

 

Brenda has an extreme reaction to Lucian's disappearance  .  I did not find it sympathy-inducing, I found it obnoxious as heck, I can't believe someone didn't direct her differently (i.e. take it down a notch or twelve).

 

I'm sorry, what is Suzanne's plan here?  She's replaced Brenda's actual son with this adorable Sonny-hating imposter, so that she can have her real grandchild all to herself?  The same grandchild that Brenda didn't know even existed and would never have come looking for?    Her plan is more nonsensical than her dearly departed hubby's were.

 

Shawn Butler remains in my doghouse.

 

Apparently, this Luke intervention story is not over yet.

 

Anthony's Abby-look-a-like looks nothing like Abby and is like an entire foot taller , that witness must be near-sighted.

 

Nikolas offers to finance a trip around the world for Lucky and Siobhan - - they opt for the greencard marriage instead    .

 

Diane's publisher is interested in a sequel for The Secret Life of Damian Spinelli, oh dear  .  Has anyone actually read it, is it amusing?

 

Steve and Olivia (you remember them, right?) get jiggy with it.   Do the kids still say that?  In any event, any situation that requires Scott Reeves to disrobe is good in my book  (Maytag, indeed).  However, I feel like the chair, the sofa, the wall - - all appropriate places for Johnny and Olivia to get busy, Steve and Olivia, not so much.  Suck it up and spring for a bedroom set already, ABC.

 

Jason and Sam and the never-ending "fertility reconstruction" story   

 

The only bright spot for me was Anthony meeting Lisa (which I found hilarious), and technically, I think that happened last week.   Unfortunately, a little goes a long way.  Anthony is entertaining, but he can be a bit . . . much.   

Hollow Man

 

As sad as I am to have to admit this - - I was unable to enjoy Luke's intervention last Thursday.  It was beautiful soap: it had great acting (as per usual), it had decent writing (as per almost never), and the entire episode had no mob (is it snowing in hell right now?), and yet . . . . I was unsatisfied.

 

I hate to complain because this kind of emotionally-charged character-driven familial interaction is exactly what I'm always saying that Port Charles needs more of.  It's just that this was an empty and hollow example, it was clearly self-serving grand-standing on the part of head writer Bob Guza, and I refuse to endorse it. 

 

First of all, this was clearly the episode General Hospital will submit for Emmy consideration for "best writing" as if it were indicative of Guza's work as a whole, and then Bob will pat himself on the back for a job well-done when he is rewarded a trophy for writing one quality soapy episode out of two hundred and sixty shows this year.

 

Second of all, I resent the fact that similar to Dante's shooting being all about Sonny and his pain, Jake death has been reduced to a contest between Jason and Luke about their respective pain.  Screw Lucky and Liz and adorable little Jake himself, let's focus on the truly important stuff - - the guilt being felt by a hitman and a drunk who were, at best, peripheral participants in Jake's life.  In retrospect, it's clear that Guza fast-forwarded through Joss's illness and Jake's death because he wanted to move quickly to the "real" story.  Nincompoop!

 

Note to Jason:  Yes, tragedy can strike anytime and anywhere and it can not always be avoided. HOWEVER, surrounding a child with violence does significantly increase those odds so STFU about having a new kid already.  Do it or don't, I couldn't care less, but don't use poor little Jake's death to justify your decision on the subject.

 

Third of all, I applaud the use of flashbacks, but if Guza had bothered to write for the Spencer clan at all for the past five years, they wouldn't have needed to remind viewers how these characters are related to one another, so I am still bitter.  Side note: Where was Bobbie?  No phone call from the wig on a stick in France?

 

Fourth of all, did Guza intend to be so unclear about his story-goals leading up to the intervention or was it sheer incompetence?  Because, seriously, for the past few weeks I was convinced that ABC Disney was trying to get the message out that driving impaired is A-OK as long as one can "hold your liquor" like Luke Spencer can.  It's like Guza is trying to blame Luke's drinking for Jake's death without actually having the balls to say that Luke was drunk when he hit the tyke.

 

Fourth of all, an entire hour?  Straight?  I feel like they should have covered half the intervention at the end of Wednesday's show and half at the beginning of Thursday's to break it up a little, because dear god was that emotionally exhausting to sit through all at once.

 

Fifth of all, any guesses as to whether the writing staff will even remember this plotline or any of the ultimatums given when Anthony Geary gets back from his summer vacation in September?

 

Yeah, me neither.