Port Charles Chuckles

This Really Blows

 

Unfortunately, after weeks of swirling rumors, All My Children and One Life to Live have been officially cancelled by ABC.  That sinking feeling we're all getting right now?  It's the realization that there will soon be only four soap-operas left on the air and that Bob Guza no longer has a safety-net.  I sure hope he keeps those goat-pictures someplace safe.

 

Although I have not watched either show in several years, I just . . . . I just find it hard to believe that they could have been worse than General Hospital. 

 

They can't have been, right?

 

Which makes me seriously question the judgement of those steering the ship over at ABC Daytime.  You know what else makes me question Frons' judgement (besides everything he does or says)  - - the rumor that another Tori Spelling reality show may be filling one of the vacant spots. 

 

Side Note:  Does anyone else find it surprising that the actor who played dimmer than dirt mountie Constable Turnball from Due South turned out to be kinda hot and became a moderately famous reality-tv star?  Luckily for me, he proved that "dimmer than dirt" wasn't much of an acting stretch by marrying Tori Spelling before I could find him too appealing.

 

You know what else shows a deplorable lack of good judgement?  The fact that the powers that be didn't have the decency to let the talent know about their decision.  Susan Lucci is out there promoting her book and talking about all the great feedback she's getting from execs (less than two weeks ago) and now she looks like a liar (or an idiot) to the public. 

 

Jeez, if this is how those boneheads treat someone who has been loyal to them for forty years (ish), all the other actors should consider themselves lucky to be getting out now.  What an unbelievable lack of respect from Brian Frons and ABC to a daytime legend.

 

On another note, I wonder how Guza plans to keep General Hospital on the air now that he has no "weaker" show to bolster his own failing ratings.  And how can Frons possibly continue to justify allowing Guza to run things in his clearly ineffectual way?

 

All snark aside, the loss of AMC and OLTL is truly a blow to all of soap-dom - - it really sucks for fans of the genre.

 

Speaking of sucking and blowing, maybe Bob Guza should develop some new talents, it's going to take a lot of sacrifices to keep GH on the air now.

 

 

I meant writing talents, he should learn how to actually write a soap-opera.  What did you think I meant?

The Shot That Started It All

 

To me, it has always seemed a bit too self-congratulatory when television shows, businesses, blogs, etc. point out their own major milestones.  It's akin to buying yourself a birthday cake (It's kinda pathetic) - - celebrations of that sort should always be initiated by a friend or family member.

 

Alas, with absolutely nothing happening on current-General Hospital that I can safely discuss without getting apoplectic, I'm going to need to dip into that despised well of self-promotion and point out that today is the third anniversary of my very first rant ever at Port Charles Chuckles.

 

Sadly, not much has changed in the past three years - - I am still complaining about the obscene violence on General Hospital, and Bob Guza is still gleefully perpetrating it.

 

Yes, in keeping with the continuing "maim children" trend of Joss's cancer and Jake's hit-by-car, my very first post on Michael's shooting feels right at home - - -

 

I find my self in a bit of a dilemma regarding recent events on General Hospital.

 

First of all, let me start by saying  that I despise the character of Michael Corinthos III with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. Historically speaking, I have rarely been so incensed with a child’s character that I have wished harm to befall them.

 

Anyone remember Kirsten Dunst’s character from Interview with a Vampire? I did want to back-hand that little brat. But aside from her (the character), I am usually much more accepting of trouble-making tykes on television. I understand that obnoxious teens and pre-teens are important for the drama of television, and therefore I tolerate them.

 

Michael Corinthos III has been an exception. His mere presence grates on my nerves and causes my TMJ to flare up. Several months ago, I would have said that anything was worth getting that (almost) life-size Chuckie-doll out of Port Charles. Now, I am forced to admit that anything might have been a poor word choice.

 

But, to be fair, how could any right-minded sane adult think that splattering a child’s brains all over the warehouse floor, was even an option? I’d like to know what ideas the writers discarded before settling on this piece of genius. Was rectal alien probe already taken? Does Sunset Beach still have a patent on that turkey-baster?

 

Who in the blazes thought shooting the child in the head (or anywhere else, really) was a good and logical solution to the problem at hand? (That was a rhetorical question, I know who, and there is a voodoo doll in my closet with his name on it).

 

What happened to the time-honored tradition of sending the little monster to prep-school (or boot-camp in Michael’s case) only to have him return six months later as a troublesome teen?

 

I do not feel the need to delve any deeper into this gratuitous and insane storyline decision as the ladies at Serial Drama have already expressed my outrage far better than I ever could myself.

 

Just add a "ditto" to everything Mallory said.

 

Shooting 12 year old Michael Corinthos = dumb, dumb, dumb.

 

Having said all that, let me now get to the crux of my dilemma. The last week on General Hospital has been unbearable and depressing and yet, I have seen some things that caused my cold, black heart to soar.

 

I saw Bobbie and Mike on my screen (in more than one scene!) last week. I think Bobbie might have even mentioned BJ. I saw Robin, Liz and Carly share a room without verbal violence. I saw grown-ups behaving like grown-ups for once!!

 

I know this is fleeting, Carly will be back to a shrieking harpy next week, but for right now, I am enjoying the new-found self-awareness she is displaying.

 

Am I going crazy or did the words "I did what was good for me, and then I justified it by saying it was good for him [Michael]" come out of Carly’s mouth? I thought I was having an aneurysm.

 

Carly’s dressing-down of Sonny and subsequent confession about her own culpability to Jason were fabulous, and right on the money.

 

I still don’t understand why rational characters like Alexis feel the need to absolve Carly of her guilt (after all she IS responsible), but I will take what I can get in terms of sanity this week, and Carly talking about her own selfishness ranks right up there with my all time favorite "lightbulb!" moments.

 

This brilliance and insight is a double-edged sword however, because it makes me wonder - - if this sort of dialogue is possible from the current writing regime, why did it take a child being maimed to accomplish it? Couldn’t the viewers get this on a more consistent basis? Why is this sentiment the rare (albeit welcome) exception rather than the rule on General Hospital?

 

No really, I'm asking - why?

 

 

Yeah, I'm still asking.

 

I Think I'm In Love

So, the recent tragic death of Jake (and it's subsequent bungling by the head writer) has left an toddler-sized hole in my cold, black heart.  And though the wound is still fresh, Guza has decided to introduce a new little cherub to our General Hospital family in the hopes of distracting the legions of irate fans with their pitchforks that have no-doubt taken up residence outside his house.

 

It will not work, I tell you.

 

It will not work.

 

Okay, maybe it's working a little bit . . .

 

 

 

Especially if the kid keeps giving Sonny this much-deserved stink-eye.