Port Charles Chuckles

Selfish is as Selfish Does

 

I realize that, based on the title, longtime readers are probably expecting this entry to be about my good friend Carly, (soon to be the former) Mrs. Jacks.  However, it's actually about me, I have a burning question to pose - - Am I a heartless person?  Emotionally detached?  Selfish?

 

On second thought, don't answer that. 

 

Actually, let me re-phrase - - does the fact that issuing a false confession to protect a loved one from jail-time has never even entered my mind, make me a bad person?

 

Because seriously, never, ever in my life have I loved someone so much that I could imagine confessing to a crime that I didn't commit and going to prison, simply to protect them.  And quite frankly, it happens so frequently in Port Charles, that General Hospital is starting to make me feel kinda shitty about my selfishness.

 

Granted, I don't actually know a lot of felony-commiters in real-life.  But hypothetically speaking, they would have to have like given me a kidney or pulled me from a burning vehicle in the very recent-past to even be in the running for a false-confession. 

 

I don't understand.

 

I don't understand why Guza has to run this exact same story every six months or so (sometimes using the exact same characters, and only occasionally different ones).

 

And I don't understand why everyone involved in the storyline has to end up looking so supremely stupid.

 

It is frustrating and painful to watch.

 

Remember only a few short months ago, when Michael & Abby were one of my few bright-spots?  Remember when I kinda liked them as a couple and I really liked the probability that Carly's head would exploded when she found out that they were dating?

 

Apparently, I just can't have nice things.

 

Thanks to Guza, Shawn Butler has turned into a Carly-apologist and Michael & Abby are on their way to becoming the MOST annoying couple in Port Charles (in a town that housed Brook Lynn & Nikolas!!!). 

 

And while I'm discussing things that really freak me out, what is up with Sonny being the most reasonable person in the room where Lucian is concerned? And was it just me or was he kinda awesome with both Luke and Lucky yesterday?  I'm not totally hating Sonny recently, what is UP with that?

 

I need a box of chocolates.

It Was Bound to Happen

 

Unfortunately, just because a tragic event is expected, doesn't make that event any the less tragic in nature.  I have finally slogged my way through all of last week's episodes, and I'm going to need to complain.

 

Remember when Shawn Butler came to town and he was all adorable with Molly?  And then he was all adorably almost-shirtless?  And then there were a few episodes where Shawn magically made Carly seem less unlikeable? 

 

Well, that shit is DONE now. 

 

Guza has squandered my good-will and fast-forwarded straight to using poor Shawn for his usual Carly-propping, Jax-bashing bullpuckey.

 

Jax:  Come on, Mr. Butler, you're a contract killer. Don't act like you're above taking a pay-off.

Shawn:  I sold out to Theo Hoffman for a hefty price tag. Ended up costing me a hell of a lot more in self-respect. I have no intentions of making that mistake again. Or leaving your daughter unprotected. So again I'm going to have to decline your very generous offer. {Editor's Note:  Did Guza seriously just compare The Balkan and Jax as if the situations were synonymous?  Fuck you, Bob, fuck you very much}

Carly:  Please tell me you weren't trying to pay Shawn to leave.  Have you forgotten how many times Franco was able to get close to Josslyn? In the Christmas tree lot, the park with you, in our home. I'm not willing to risk our daughter's safety. And here's someone who is hired to protect her. Shawn will do whatever it takes to keep Josslyn safe.

Jax:  I'm not so sure that he will. I mean, I don't know anything about the guy. Except for the fact that he was hired to kidnap Brenda on her wedding night. So forgive me if I'm not exactly thrilled that he's watching our daughter.

Carly:  Ok, Jason would have never hired him if he didn't trust Shawn. {Oh, well in that case . . . }

Jax:  Maybe that would mean something if I had a little faith in Jason. {Thank you, Jasper} 

(later)

Carly:  Sorry about that, I know you're probably sick of the drama.

Shawn:  Personally I think your husband is one manipulative, entitled son of a bitch.

 

Well, Shawn Butler is officially off my Christmas list.

 

That's right folks, it is "manipulative" to straight-forwardly approach an employee and offer them a generous severance package in return for their resignation and their promise to take another job far, far away.

 

Does Guza even remember that Carly tried to pay Abby to leave Port Charles just a few short months ago?  I don't suppose that was manipulative though, that was probably just loving parenting. Asshat.

 

Secondly, on what planet does wanting to keep one's daughter safe make one "entitled".  I've got news for you - - - Jax IS FUCKING ENTITLED to decide which men with guns (if any) are in proximity to his two-year-old child!!!  He's her father, he does get to make decisions regarding her well-being.

 

Now, there are plenty of arguments in favor of Jax deserving what he gets now because he made the exceedingly poor choice to pro-create with Carly in the first place AND then allowed her to name Jason as godfather to Joss, etc.  I can not argue that point, Jax should have known better.  But, don't go around spouting off judgemental ridiculous nonsense after you've only been in town for two months, no one cares what you think.  STFU, Shawn.

 

And Bob, thanks ever so much for ruining yet another promising character.  Don't forget to stop on your way home and kick a few puppies, just for good measure.

Pride & Prejudice

 

I am currently only part of the way through my Sunday afternoon General Hospital-marathon/Easter wine-tasting extravaganza (my life is thrilling, I know), but I felt compelled to pause for a moment to savor the lovely scenes (all 2.5 seconds worth of them) that took place between Jax and Alexis this past Wednesday.  {Please pardon the preceding oddly meandering run-on sentence (and also this one), did I mention that I've been tasting wine?}

 

Jax:  Listen to me, I cannot let Carly have primary custody of Josslyn.

Alexis:  No, you can't, nor should you, but she's going to put up a fight.

Jax:  Well, I would like to avoid a nasty custody battle.

Alexis:  And I would like to look like Angelina Jolie, but that's not going to happen.

[Jax chuckles]

Alexis:  You know what?  Truthfully, her devotion to her kids is her only redeeming quality.

Jax:  That's why I'm hoping Carly might be reasonable. {Editor's note:  Jax's sense of humor is one of his finest qualities}

Alexis:  And I'm hoping to marry Colin Firth. Not gonna happen. {Ed note: excellent taste in hollywood-heartthrobs, Alexis  }

Jax:  You need to help me, you gotta make sure that Josslyn stays with me.

 

I love these two almost as much as I love hearing Carly being discussed with the disdain that she has so richly earned over the past decade or so. 

 

Why don't Alexis and Jax share more scenes?  Nancy Lee Grahn and Ingo Rademacher are effortlessly wonderful together.

 

Would it be too much to hope for a romance, once he's free of Carly?  (Don't answer that, it wasn't a serious question. I'm not that drunk)

 

And another thing, are they moving toward writing Jax off the show?  Because, he has been suspiciously absent the past few months.

 

I swear, the prejudice that the head-writer has against all non-mob characters and his stalwart refusal to invest in anything that accidentally works in spite of his best efforts, is so flippin' frustrating that I could scream . . . . or drink.

 

I choose drink