Port Charles Chuckles

Suffer the Little Children

 

Guys, watching General Hospital has become a serious chore the past few weeks.  Yes, I'll admit that the past few years have been a chore, what with the normal M.O. being more bad than good in any given episode, but now we are into serious chore territory.  I'm not talking your average run of the mill swiffer-mop the floors or wash the dishes chore territory, no I am talking about clean the litterbox, scrub the bathroom with a toothbrush serious chores.

 

In fact, it was such a chore, that I actually put it off for an entire nine days.  Somehow, I imagined that if I didn't watch it, it wasn't actually happening.  Denial and I have always been *likethis*.  Then, in a fit of nose to the grindstone, let's get this done enthusiasm (supported by my good buddy Arbor Mist) I sat down and watched two entire weeks of General Hospital in one sitting.

 

Not the smartest decision I've ever made, that's for sure.

 

As one might expect, I have a few complaints - -

 

I'm not the first person to mention this, I'm sure (it's not even the first time I've said this), but Jiminey Christmas the pacing on this show sucks toxic balls.  I kid you not, Joss got sick on a Wednesday, Jake got hit by a car on Thursday, Jake was brain-dead in the OR on Friday, they harvested his organs on Monday, and Joss was back to being blonde and adorable by Tuesday.  Side Note:  Not only should new character Shawn always be shirtless, he should always interact with babies - - hottest thing ever.

 

Pacing = sucks.

 

You know what else sucks?  The focus on Jason's loss and the ridiculous notion that Jake would have been just as safe living with him as with Lucky and Elizabeth.  Well, he probably wouldn't have gotten hit by a car in the middle of the night, because he's not tall enough to operate the penthouse elevator by himself, but the chances of him being kidnapped, shot in the head, or raped in prison would have increased dramatically, I'm just saying.

 

When did we recast Emma?  Boo-hiss. 

 

I loathe the fact that Rebecca Herbst, Anthony Geary and Jonathan Jackson are doing such an awesome job in such a crappy, crappy storyline.  It was badly conceived, badly paced, badly written, and superbly acted.  Grrrr!  Why must they give the material more quality than it deserves?

 

And just when I thought I couldn't possibly hate this story any more, Guza decided that Luke's intoxicated ass should be responsible for the whole nightmare.  More great acting, more of me wanting to stab myself in the face to avoid watching this bloody show.

 

Two final questions - -

 

What in the heck was Michael doing trying to cover-up Carly's possible involvement in Jake's accident?  Does he not remember the harm caused by the mob's last dumb-ass cover-up?  Michael was sodomized in prison, you'd think that would have made an impression.

 

How in the blazes was this train-wreck supposed to be Elizabeth's exit story?  After losing Jake, Lucky was simply going to let her waltz out of town with his other kid(s)?  I don't think so.

 

I shouldn't ask so many questions, clearly I am putting more thought into these things than the actual writing staff does.

When in Doubt, Avoid!!

Current-day General Hospital got you down? 

 

Sucking your will to live?

 

Over-taxing your liver?

 

Senseless death of children not your cup of tea?

 

Let's jump in our time-machines and see what I was blogging about this time last year {Hint: I was linking to clips of the glory days when the show didn't make me want to drink heavily} - -

 

This past week in Port Charles, Maya Ward finally hit town and The Quartermaine Family saw more airtime than they have since tumorEmily was surgically excised from Nikolas' brain. 

This is a good thing. 

Plus, how great was Monica's take on life at the Q mansion?  I do so enjoy Quartermaine snark.  However, I can't help but notice in scenes like those, that two people do not a family make.  Remember the free-for-alls that used to take place in the living room?  Tracy, Ned, Alan, Monica, AJ, Skye and Edward all yelling their lungs out while Lila and Emily struggled valiantly to bring reason to the discussion?  I know TPTB had no control over Lila's death, but everyone else the writers disposed of on purpose.

Now, it seems that Guza has finally realized his mistake (ten years too late) and is intending to rectify it by creating new Quartermaine Maya (since that worked so well with Rebecca), bringing back Brook Lynn (ask me if I care), and creating a short-term stint for Skye (okay, I care a little about this one).

The problem is that viewers complain about the lack of respect for history, for core families, but trying to make amends by referring to a family that you personally decimated, gains you nothing in my book, it makes it worse, in fact.  I really question the wisdom of reminding viewers how great the Quartermaines (and the show itself) used to be, given the current direction of the show.

To that end, with all the recent mentions of The Ward Family and Mary Mae, I was feeling a little nostalgic this weekend, so I went to that magical internet resource, youtube.  Do you know what I discovered?   

I discovered that this show wasn't always about mobsters and shoot-outs.  It used to have relatable storylines about families struggling to make ends meet and staircases in need of repair. 

 

 

Remember Mary Mae and The Bradley Ward House?  Remember Miguel Morez?  With the exception of Ricky Martin's hair, those were some good times.

And who could forget the fun of The Nurses' Ball?  When Lucky mentioned his memories of Mary Mae to Maya on Thursday, this clip sprung immediately to mind - - -

 

What a genuinely good time.

And for those of you who can't remember how much Luke hated being trapped in suburbia, here's a clip to refresh your memories - -

 

 

Yup, Luke is sure staring at Laura like she was a burden, isn't he?  With the exception of Jonathan Jackson's hair, those were some good times.

 

 

 

It doesn't make any sense to remind the viewing public of how good General Hospital used to be if you don't have any intention of changing the direction of the show in order to re-focus on the elements that made it so successful back in the day (and let's face it, clearly Guza doesn't have any plans to do THAT). 

 

 

Reminding us of General Hospital's previous greatness only serves to remind current viewers of what we're missing.

 

 

Plus, it makes me stabby.

A Place in the Sun

 

Sad news this morning, as it has been reported that Elizabeth Taylor has died at the age of 79. 

 

In addition to having been one of the most glamorous Hollywood leading ladies of her time and possibly the last true "movie star", she was also an avid soap fan, General Hospital especially.  As the story goes, she was such a fan of Luke & Laura in 1981 that she actually called up the headwriter and demanded a wedding between their characters.  He famously offered to write them a wedding if she would attend it. 

 

And so she did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elizabeth Taylor was royalty in a time when Hollywood was still glittering and untarnished - - a bygone era that we remember with nostalgic fondness. 

 

My condolences to her family, she will be missed by generations of fans.