Port Charles Chuckles

I Guess I'm Going to Have to Eat My Hat Now

Many moons ago, I had a slight conniption fit when I heard the rumor that they were going to bring a grown child for Sonny onto the canvas.  I believe my exact words were something to the effect of "Bleeeeepity bleeeeep, bleeeeep, bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep", accompanied by melodramatic predictions of an impending apocalypse.

I have not changed my mind regarding the (once again) idiotic decision to bring on a new character (and to make him mob-related) while neglecting the many legacy characters already on canvas in favor of Guza's shiny new toy of the moment.  I would strongly prefer that Guza actually write for the characters that I already know and love and who have long been neglected.

 

However, since that is clearly a fantasy and it has been eons since I have had anything positive to post, allow me to just say - - Mark Teschner does it again.  I think Dominic Zamprogna is outstanding.  From his very first scene in the woods with Morgan, I have been totally impressed by the guy's charm and on-screen chemistry.

As per usual, Guza did what he does every time he gets a new toy - - he over-exposes it by putting it into every possible scene for weeks on-end until you pray for the new character to die in a toxic-ball-related fire (cough*Olivia*cough).  See Dante threaten Carly and the boys in the woods, see Dante hide in Claudia's bedroom, see Dante charm Kristina, see Dante deliver pizza to a cabin in the woods, see Dante ask Johnny for a job recommendation, see Dante sneak up on his mother, see Dante do laundry . . . . . 

You get the picture - - the guy was everywhere, and while it was obnoxious and over-bearing (hello, this is Bob "what's subtlety?" Guza) it really gave the new guy a chance to showcase his range, and I for one was impressed.

Allow me to outline the positives, as I see them:

*So far, Dante has awesome chemistry with everyone he's shared scenes with - Morgan, Carly, Claudia, Sonny, Olivia, et al.

*The actor's got great range - - he moves seamlessly from snarky to serious and back again.

*He actually looks like Sonny - - dimples, charm and genuine bravado.

*They're writing the character very much like a younger Sonny would have been - - ambitious, driven, and reckless.  But Dante also seems much lighter, sarcastic in his mob dealings, which gives me hope that the character''s future will not be a dreary as Sonny's ended up being.

*Apparently, Dante is even on the right side of the law??? (I'll believe it when I see it)

*Olivia, Claudia, and Sonny, who I only tolerated previously in scenes with Johnny or Robin, I am now watching for Dante interaction as well - - that is a major accomplishment (of course, now the show takes twice as long for me to watch).

The only draw-back I see is the blatantly obvious age-issue between he and his "mother" and frankly, that was the least of my concerns when I initially heard about the casting. 

Lisa LoCicero does mama-bear well, so I'm willing to over-look the nine-year difference between the actors because I'm just glad they cast someone I actually want to watch.  I mean, let's face it - - he's Sonny's kid, he's going to be getting 90% of General Hospital's airtime in the future, so he'd better be palatable.

If viewers have to be saddled with another Sonny spawn, at least this one is compelling to watch so far.

Editor's Note:  I reserve the right to pray for the character's death no matter how charming the actor, if Dante turns into a mob-apologist like everyone else in this damn town!

As Opposed to What, Exactly?

Tuesday's episode had some really fine moments - - Sarah Brown's amazing portrayal of Claudia's grief and rage, Johnny unburdening himself to Olivia, a Mac-sighting, and best of all - - Edward Quartermaine getting to toss Sonny out of the mansion along with giving him some choice words (go team non-mob!).

 

However, any hope that I may have momentarily clung-to was dashed when I realized how minor these victories are in comparison to the upcoming story I am going to refer to as "everything bad that ever happened in Port Charles is all the fault of Alexis Davis".

 

In the following scene, Jason and Sam are discussing the car accident that left Claudia's baby dead.  Michael has confessed, but Jason thinks he is innocent, and Sam suspects that Kristina may have been driving instead.  (Side note: as suggested by Christian in the comments section, I will be addressing the impending JaSam reunion in an upcoming entry)

 

Jason:  So, if Kristina did this, would she let Michael take the fall?

Sam:  I don't know.  Kristina is under relentless pressure to be perfect {right, because having expectations and setting standards for your children is wrong, they should be allowed to break laws and shoot people without fear of consequence}, I don't think she has the option of confessing right now.

Jason:  So, she'd let Michael take the blame.

Sam:  Michael is surrounded by people who genuinely love him.  {"genuinely" love him?!? as opposed to what, Alexis who disingenuously loves her daughters?} He's got you, and Carly, and Jax, and Sonny, {that's the problem in a nutshell, isn't it?} and the Quartermaines - he's got everybody.  The more he messes up, the more people adore him. {like father, like son}  It's a different story for Kristina, she is desperately seeking Alexis' approval, and you know she has got pretty high standards. {Seriously, like expecting her eldest daughter not to sleep with her husband? What an unreasonable wench!} I just think that Kristina is afraid that if she confesses, she'll lose her Mom.

I think the conversation continued on for a bit after that, but honestly, I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my blood boiling.

By the time this storyline is over, mark my words - - Alexis will not only be guilty of the car accident, she will also have been revealed as the true text message killer.

And also, the cirrhosis of my liver will be complete.

Some People Never Learn

So there's this family who are clients at the veterinary clinic where I work, and they have a ten year old chocolate Lab named Fudgie.  Fudgie is a typical Lab - - he loves to wag his tail, go for walks, and eat, especially eat. 

Much like the titular character from Marley & Me, the Vet has seen Fudgie on many different occasions over the years due to foreign objects that he has ingested.  Amongst the numerous baby sock and stuffed animal debacles over the years, the most memorable visits in my mind were the infamous rubber-Elmo incident of 2003 and the oven-mitt ingestion of 2005. 

This year, we saw Fudgie because the Mellotts had re-done their backyard using quarter-sized landscaping stones that he found tasted absolutely delicious.  After a difficult and expensive surgery wherein twenty-three stones were removed from his stomach and intestines, Fudgie was placed on an all liquid diet as he recovered in hospital.

One week later, the Mellotts celebrated his return home by releasing Fudgie back into the yard, where he promptly ingested six more landscaping stones.

Because they hadn't removed them from the yard.

Or fenced off the area so that he couldn't reach them.

Because they thought the dog had learned his lesson, somehow???

Speaking of which, you know who else is as dumb as a box of rocks? - - Sonny Corinthos.

This is the post otherwise known as:  another reason why Sonny Corinthos is the world's worst father.  Remember when Michael bought a gun and Sonny told him that if he ever got caught with a gun again, he'd better keep on running, so Michael did?  All the way to Canada?  On a cargo ship?  After shooting Kate (the first time)? 

Good times, those.

Well, clearly Sonny doesn't remember those golden days, as evidenced by the following conversation (starting at minute 4): 

 

"You killed the baby"

"Your baby brother died because of what you did"

Geez, Sonny - - that was totally code for "you'd better go on the lam now and take your sister with you so the entire show can now revolve around the so-called adults chasing after you". 

Of course, maybe I misunderstood, maybe Sonny was trying to say "everyone makes mistakes Michael, lord knows I've made one or two, remember the time I shot your mother while she was in labor with your brother?"  Although, somehow, I doubt it - - - it's going to be a looooong August.

Remind me again, why am I still watching this crap-fest?

Oh right, some people never learn.