Loaded For Bear

When I decided to move from the Washington DC area to semi-rural Pennsylvania four years ago, I thought I had considered every conceivable draw-back to living in the country.  I had thought about how far I might have to commute to work every day, and I had thought about how long it would take to get to the nearest major city for social events.  I had taken into account the greater distance to the nearest hospital, fire station, and police station now that I would no longer be within city limits (I am nothing, if not paranoid).  And I was aware that the increase in travel-time for visiting friends and family back home would be rough around the holidays.

Ultimately, after weighing the lower cost of living, the decreased traffic and fewer crowds in the country, versus the lack of Starbucks, I concluded that the move made sense, overall.  I did miss my Venti White Mochas for the first few years, but as my father said: "wait five minutes, they'll open a Starbucks on the moon". Today, my small town has a Starbucks and a Panera, - - score! 

One factor that I failed to consider however, (besides the fact that living up the street from a dairy farm might not be the most aromatic place to be in the summertime) is that rural mail delivery . . . how shall I put this?  - - sucks. 

I live just 2.4 miles from the Post Office, and somehow, it is impossible to have my mail delivered in a timely fashion.  You've heard of living on the wrong side of the railroad tracks? - - same concept.  The stop sign in my front yard is the cut-off for township mail delivery.  Due to the fact that I live just one house too far from town, I have a rural mail carrier - - his name is Rocky.

Rocky seems like a good-natured guy - - he drives (mostly on my lawn) an old beat-up pick-up truck with two steering wheels - - one on either side of the vehicle depending on whether he's delivering mail or navigating through traffic.  I suspect he hasn't quite mastered the use of either wheel yet - - the exterior of his truck suggests that Rocky's got some depth-perception problems.  The exterior of my mailbox confirms this suspicion. 

Rocky is the outdoors-y type - he hunts, he fishes, he camps.  Because Rocky is not a government employee like the township mailpersons, standards are a bit more lax as far as delivery times.  Do you know what happens to my mail on the first day of bear season? 

Me neither. 

There are some times when the mail just doesn't come at all, and other days when it arrives so tattered and beaten that I am tempted to think it's been riding around in the back of Rocky's pick-up while he's out hunting the bears. 

The other possibility is that Rocky has been leafing through my magazines before delivering them to me.  I might strongly consider this when it comes to my LL Bean or Victoria's Secret catalogs, but I highly doubt this explains the tardiness or worn appearance of Soaps in Depth or Soap Opera Digest.

Although, if Rocky were a soap-fan, he'd definitely be watching General Hospital - - this is a man who enjoys him some guns ya'll.

In any event, my decision to move to cow-country four years ago is the reason I am late now in commenting on the following cover:

 

Good News, Zendall Fans! Reese Is OUT!  Are Ryan Lavery and Charles Pratt also "OUT!"?  If not, I don't see many Zendall fans doing their happy dance, just yet.

Josh Duhamel Back At AMC!  Ahhh, my other favorite J.D., dimpled and adorable (and doing mega-blockbusters like Transformers now) thus precluding a return to the cess-pool (I have it on good authority) that is AMC. 

GH: The Pregnancy That Could Kill Carly!  Don't toy with me, Soaps in Depth.  Okay, I have some serious issues with the obnoxious over-use of the exclamation point on this cover as a whole, but this is truly a prospect worth getting excited about. 

 

GH: You Could Be Looking At Sonny's "Secret" Son!  Meh, not so much with the caring.

The Truth Finally Comes Out!  Will A "Surprise" Pregnancy Save Claudia From Sonny & Jason's Rage?  Yeah, so we all know that Sonny and Jason are going to be loaded for bear when the truth about Michael's shooting is revealed.  However, this one raises the age-old question: if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?  If Ric squeals like a pig, and the DVD mysteriously refuses to corroborate his story, is the truth really "finally out"?

I vote no.

Rocky agrees with me - - or he would if he were here, but trout season started yesterday.  I expect to see my mail round about Thursday.

Comments

[Lindsey]

Strangely, I more interested in reading about Rocky, then Sonny......hmmm........

I am a month behind on your blog!!! Need to catch up! Eeek! How are ya, friend?!

[Junie]

I agree with Lindsey. The misadventures in the world of country mail are more exciting than the King of Moobs 40th pregnancy. Ugh, this show is killing my soul. I wish Rocky was my mail man. Sounds like Funny Farm.