Port Charles Chuckles

Going to the Dogs

At the veterinary clinic where I work, we often prescribe medications for dogs and cats that have uses in human medicine, as well.  Many of these drugs we routinely stock in our own clinic pharmacy. However, for some medications it is necessary to call-in a prescription to a human pharmacy for the client to pick-up. 

Doxepin is one such dual-use medication - - in humans it is a tri-cyclic anti-depressant.  For dogs, doxepin acts as an anti-histamine for use in controlling allergies.

Several weeks ago, a panicked client called me at the clinic.  Since our office didn't have the proper dose for his weight-class in-stock, Mrs. Hornbaker had been sent to her local pharmacy to get allergy medication for her obese Weimaraner, Mr. Wiggles.  Mrs. Hornbaker had picked up Mr. Wiggles' medication (doxepin) from CVS earlier that morning, and was busily reading the enclosed warning labels and contra-indications.  

Mrs. Hornbaker called me extremely concerned, after reading the enclosed literature because she wasn't sure how she would be able to tell whether Mr. Wiggles was "experiencing an increase in suicidal thoughts" so that she could "discontinue the medication and consult a physician immediately" as recommended by the pamphlet of potential side-effects.

After I picked my chin off the floor and wiped up the coffee that I had sprayed all over my desk, I calmly explained to the worried caller that if Mr. Wiggles:

    a.) began looping his leash over the ceiling beams and tying slip-knots with it, or

    b.) started tossing his bone into on-coming traffic, or

    c.) began sticking his toenails into electrical outlets, or

    d.) if she found a business card for Dr. Dogvorkian in his doghouse

Then, she should be concerned.  However, until that time, she should remain calm and realize that dogs are not small furry people, and their body chemistries react to drugs in completely different ways than ours do.

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

 

How do you know if a dog is suicidal?  That's a good question - - I have no earthly idea.

 

How do you know when a storyline really sucks?  Unfortunately, I do know the answer to that one - - it's when the story is so badly written that even the six-month-old actresses at it's center, seem aware of it's absurdity:

Okay, so either there's sour milk in that bottle, or she just got a peak at the most recent script.

 

Now she's thinking it over, trying to make sense of the plot contrivances.  Wait, she's going to push me down the stairs?  I think I liked being in that tree better, it was far more logical in the context. 

 

 

See? Even an infant is capable of realizing the stupidity of this storyline.  Meanwhile, somewhere in Los Angeles, Bob Guza is looking for his dictionary - "context"?, what's that?

 

 

Now, she's devising a plan to use the insanity of the storyline to her advantage.  On second thought, maybe they can roll me down the stairs and right out of this crap-tastic excuse for a "post-partum depression" story?

 

 

Drat! My escape was thwarted - - hold me JT, this show is scarring me for life.

 

 

There are some things that even Jason Thompson's hotness can not make bearable.  Dear Lord, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away.

 

 

 

 

Take me with you, Emma!

 

Mr. Wiggles concurs - - it's tough to be surrounded by morons.

 

screencaps courtesy of laurieluvsliason

With Allies Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

I have resisted the urge for the last several weeks to comment any further on the abomination that is Robin's "PPD" storyline.  This is mainly because the current portrayal of Scrubs is making me long for the glory-days of blog-wars and that is not a good thing.  I look back now with rose-colored glasses and realize how naive I was at the time to imagine that things couldn't possibly get any worse.  In Guza-land, things can always get worse.

Over the past few months (possibly eons) since this "Post Partum Depression" story started, I have considered ranting on numerous topics. 

I thought about covering Patrick and his apparent inability to keep his mouth shut around anyone and everyone when it comes to Robin's issues.  I thought about covering Elizabeth and Matt and their butt-insky status - - why don't these characters have storylines of their own?  I thought about complaining that the only time we see Mac anymore is when he's arguing with Patrick about what's best for Robin (*another example of Guza's women as chattel mentality btw*).

I thought about covering Robin's therapist and how she is the queen of smug-town and how her high-handed superiority can not possibly be conducive to healing a mental health issue.  This character is the reason why people are hesitant to embrace therapy in the real world - - - she is rude, condescending, judgmental, and she thinks she knows it all  - - the very things that hinder healing and prevent the establishment of trust in a psychiatric setting.  Clearly, Guza did as much research into psychiatry as he did into Post Partum Depression itself.

I also thought about doing a screencap retrospective with my imaginings of Jason Thompson's thoughts upon reading his latest scripts, akin to the one I did for Kimberly McCullough last month.  However, that was before things got truly awful.  Now, only one picture I've found perfectly encapsulates what I imagine to be his reaction to the current CF of a storyline:

Accurate, but limited in its scope.  (Besides, what's the point of a Jason Thompson screencap-a-palooza without numerous pictures of him in various states of hotness? No point, obviously.)

So instead, I decided to leave terrible-enough alone and forgo further commentary, hoping that this storyline would eventually pass.  I had hoped not to further encourage Guza with my continued vocal outrage - - I'm convinced he targets me on a personal level, sometimes.

I was firm in my resolve, until this Friday's credulity-defying episode - - - who in the flying fudgecicles argues with a woman pushing a stroller next to a staircase?!? 

Dr. Kelly Lee, that's who. 

Kelly compliments Robin on how well she's doing at getting her life back together and working through her "PPD", and when Robin informs Kelly that she's making all this progress on her own terms without taking medication, Kelly becomes confrontational and starts berating her - that's some great friend, right there. 

I love my girl Robin, and I am aware that her behavior has been totally irrational for the last few months (feels like eons), however, my objection to this exchange is the whole pot/kettle issue.  Dr. Kelly Lee, the sexual compulsive, has the nerve to lecture Robin about how "irresponsible" she's being?

Seriously?

The writers clearly meant for that to be ironic, and therefore humorous, right?  Viewers weren't actually supposed to take Kelly seriously, were we?  Her opinion wasn't meant to add credibility to the storyline, was it?

That would be like expecting viewers to interpret Jason lecturing Michael on the danger of handguns as anything but laughable.  It would be right up there on the irony-o-meter with Sonny encouraging his kids never to J-walk or Carly having the nerve to call anyone a manipulative whore. 

No one would expect viewers to take those situations seriously, right? 

I mean, otherwise,  

Oh Guza, the 15th Century Called . . . .

. . . . . . . and they want their antiquated view of women as chattel, back.

Seriously, are they kidding with this stuff?

 

Claudia: I'm glad you're back. We didn't really have a chance to talk --

Sonny: {and you're not going to now, wench, just sit down and listen to what I have decreed} I've been doing a lot of thinking.

Claudia: Look, I don't want you to worry about hurting my feelings or anything. It's not like I was trying to get pregnant or like I even wanted to.

Sonny: It's not about what we want or what we don't want. {and by "we", I mean me}

Claudia: Well, we got into this marriage as a business arrangement. It's not like it suddenly became some happy white-picket-fence family or anything like that. So I'm going to terminate. It's supposed to be a relatively painless and easy procedure.

Sonny: I don't want you to have an abortion. {and really, what else matters?}

Claudia: You don't want any more kids.

Sonny: Well, it's too late for that. We made the baby, we're going to have it. {we are going to gestate it in our womb for nine months, we are going to push it's cantaloupe-sized head out of a hole the size of a grape, and then we are going to take it to the coffee warehouse to get it shot in the head}

Claudia: You know Sonny, if you're just saying that because you thought I was upset on the phone with the abortion clinic, it's really -- it's really okay. I'm going to be fine.

Sonny: You weren't expecting this, neither was I, but I'm not going to terminate a pregnancy because it's inconvenient. It goes against my faith. {The Catholic church may be fuzzy on minor issues like murder and mayhem, but according to St. Jasus , they are very clear on this issue. . .}

Claudia: Well, there are other options. There's adoption --

Sonny: Hell no. This is our kid. We're going to take care of it. I've got the means to support it, and that's what I'm going to do. A child has been conceived, and I will give that child the best life I can. {Now, you just sit there and be a good little wife-y until you go into labor, so I can shoot you in the head}

Can I just say - - compared to Sonny Corinthos, Henry VIII treated his wives well. 

I have no love for Claudia, but the last time I checked, women in this country still had the right to choose what they do with their own bodies, you misogynistic numskull !!!

I could go on, but I should really be barefoot and pregnant right now. . . .