The Towering Inferno - - Just Another Day in Port Guza

When last we left our intrepid cast of heroic mobsters and dim-witted cops, OR 2 had just exploded into a ball of flames, rocking the very foundation of General Hospital.  This week continues with the aftermath of yet another unnecessary explosion and the literal dismemberment of General Hospital to go along with the virtual destruction that Bob Guza has been perpetrating for years.

Spinelli pushes Winifred to safety mere seconds before the blast destroys the room in which they previously stood.  Yay for the physical heroism of our favorite computer geek , but boo-hiss for the fact that The Priestess still draws breath (and speaks incomprehensibly).

The Quartermaines (the three that are still alive, that is) reel from their first look at notEmily  , just as the building bursts into flames.  Somehow, Rebecca's beret manages to stay in place throughout the ensuing chaos.  I am really starting to hate this girl - - I can't walk across the parking lot without looking like Albert Einstein and she manages to survive an explosion, coif and hat intact. . . . . witch.

Lucky rushes up to Epiphany and wants to know what happened    This is exactly the problem with the PCPD, I mean, I know Epiphany is a know-it-all, but seriously, she's a nurse - - how is she supposed to know what exploded or where??  Lucky and Jax are both put to work helping patients evacuate by Nurse No-Nonsense.  No one makes grown men quiver like Piph does, she's my idol.

Sonny comes across Trevor in the corridors with the pilfered poison.  Trevor threatens to drop the sphere if Sonny doesn't let him pass safely.  Sonny's banking on the fire destroying the poison before it can become airborne if he shoots Trevor, sending his body into the flames.  Wow, that's pretty ballsy with hundreds of lives on the line, especially for a man who asked Patrick to "tell me what happened and explain it like I'm a ten year old" just a few short hours ago.  BTW, that may be my favorite line of dialogue from Sonny in over a decade, and Maurice's delivery was pitch-perfect.

Robin, still unable to deal where Emma is concerned, asks Johnny and Maxie to take Emma to Mercy for treatment while she stays behind to help evacuate General Hospital's patients.  Robin seems to have little trouble holding an infant patient prior to her evacuation and talks lovingly of Emma, but refuses Epiphany's suggestion that she abandon the evacuation and join her daughter at Mercy.  Kimberly McCullough  is so freakin' fantastic, it knocks me over.  I'm not enamored with the shoddy way the PPD story is being told, but I have no complaints about the acting.

Luke and Ethan are still playing pool and just generally yakking about how great each thinks they are at the game of con .  The swaggering duo are accosted by the gun-toting boyfriend of Nina, who falsely accuses them of stealing her cash.  They find out belatedly that her boyfriend just happens to be the local sheriff, and are forced to cool their heels in the town jail after knocking him out.  Both Luke and Ethan try their hands at manipulating themselves into freedom, but both ultimately fail and are stuck playing rock, paper, scissors for oyster crackers.  Apparently neither can go five minutes without gambling. I appreciate the tone the writers are trying to go for with Ethan, I'm just not sure the actor can pull it off, but it's early yet and he is cute, so I'll withhold judgment for now  .

Jason leaves Anthony cuffed to a hospital bed for safe keeping, while he rushes around the hospital saving puppies and small children in peril (eh, he saves notEmily and also Claudia while he's at it).

Patrick takes charge of the situation (hurah!!) and begins organizing evacuees.  Take-charge Patrick is yummy. Plus, it's supremely awesome to see Patrick giving orders and Jason and Sonny actually taking them, whoda thunk it?

Guza takes this opportunity to trap unlikely pairs together for "dramatic" tension - - Claudia is forced to rely on Carly for help getting to safety.  Once out of the line of fire, the two are joined by Olivia and a wheel-chair bound Kate.  Was I the only one praying for a well-placed beam to fall and put all four of them out of my misery?  Kate continues to make veiled threats about Jerry's DVD, but never follows through  because Sonny keeps running off to rescue other damsels, or Olivia interrupts, or the fire gets closer, or Kate's a moron - - maybe a little of each?    Olivia manages to get her hands on Jerry's DVD, only to intentionally toss it into the flames to spite Kate (I guess that moron thing must run in families. . . ).

Jax attempts to land his helicopter on the roof in blizzard conditions - - a horrified Carly and Spinelli watch as it crashes to the parking lot below.  Never fear, the white knight has many lives, and friends in high places - - Jax borrows another chopper from the PCPD (after much argument from Alexis) and is able to evacuate patients from the roof , but Carly has long since run off on one of her ill-conceived impulses, so she is nowhere to be rescued.

Spin and Win get on my last nerve as they converse back and forth unintelligibly  whilst attempting to keep communication open between those inside the hospital and the Feds running things on the outside via internet.  Fortunately (for my sanity), Agent Leeds is ordered by her superiors to board the very first rescue chopper.  Winifred seemed a tad tooconcerned about leaving Spinelli behind for my taste, I have concerns that Maxie may have hit the cyber-stalker  nail on the head.

At Mercy, Maxie and Johnny (pretending to be Emma's parents) are informed that Emma has pneumonia. When traditional treatment is unsuccessful, they are asked to make a decision that may cause more long-term harm than good.  Confessing to their ruse, Maxie sends Johnny to fetch Robin, while she stays with Emma, asking Georgie to look out for their young cousin.   Oh, that's great Bob, way to remind us of your previous carnage during another stellar example of your fascination with death and destruction.  At General Hospital, Johnny insists firmly that Robin return to Mercy with him, in spite of her protestations that she is needed during the evacuation. 

Lucky runs up the burning stairwell to rescue Elizabeth , escorting her safely to the rooftop where they share a kiss that is witnessed by Sam.  Isn't this all a little too fast?  too contrived? I know the non-sweeps event has been going on for like . . . . eons, but in Port Charles-time it's only been a few hours, hardly long enough to justify the reunion of a couple that Guza took months to completely decimate more than two years ago.  Plus, their subsequent pairings have gained quite a strong following - - I sense LuSam and Liason uprisings in the offing.  Because I am kind and generous, I will allow them to borrow my Logan Lunacy Status Alert Scale- - Guza, prepare to meet . . . Fluffy!  Side note: Greg Vaughan and Becky Herbst are so very very pretty.

On his way to the Great Beyond , Trevor manages to toss Claudia down the stairs, hit on Kate, choke Anthony, taunt Ric, and fling Sam over a roof.  Yup, like the marines, Trevor accomplishes more before 9 am than most people do all day (gosh, I'm going to miss that man).  But, in spite of his many mentions of Johnny, he did not reveal that he is really the kid's biological father.  Hmmm . . .

Robin arrives at Mercy and is finally able to comfort Emma - she lays beside her in the hospital bed and tells her the story of how Robin and Patrick met (the G-rated version) .  Maxie worries when Johnny reveals that Spinelli is trapped inside General Hospital.  As Emma's condition worsens, Robin asks Maxie to fetch Patrick for her.  Once back at GH, Maxie sneaks into the building to look for Spinelli and finds herself climbing numerous flights of stairs (ridiculous shoes and all).  Kirsten Storms is simply awesome - - she manages to make even the most ludicrous situation seem normal and in-character.  Spinelli is indeed in need of rescue, as he has locked himself inside of a utility closet .  Johnny realizes Maxie is gone and decides it's been a while since he donned his cape, so he goes looking for her.  Why hasn't Johnny stopped to wonder where Lulu is yet?  Burning building, epic chaos - - he should just know that Lulu is in there somewhere.  At Mercy, Emma's vitals have improved and things appear to be looking up.

Nikolas and notEmily finally have a conversation in which viewers discover two important bits of information about our favorite doppleganger: 1.) notEmily is adopted and 2.) notEmily is a raging BITCH and also not very bright.  She is rude to Nikolas and stalks off in a hissy when he has the nerve to ask her about her family - - she ends up trapped under debris for her tantrum and it's up to Prince Cassadine to rescue her.  Who stalks off like a petulant child in the middle of a blazing inferno for cripes sake?  I mean really, ask me anything you want as long as you use your princely-influence to make sure I get a seat on the helicopter.  As Nikolas is escorting her to safety, a beam falls on hishead, requiring a reciprocal rescue by notEmily.  This is no-doubt the beginning of a beautiful . . . . . well, whatever.

Sonny finds Carly searching for a way out to get to Jax, and the two become trapped together.  Since this is a completely original event , I'll just skip the recap.  It suffices to say that CarSon are forced to work together to get safely down the burning staircase and exit victoriously through the lobby.  They do not have inappropriate trauma sex . . . . . . . . yet.  Carly and Jax are joyfully reunited outside GH.

Alexis waits for news of her two babydaddies and her eldest daughter who are all trapped inside the burning hospital.  Diane comes by to help distract Alexis from her worry.  Yay! It's been a while since we've had Diane's brand of sarcastic wit.  Diane passes Alexis a drink from her um, hipflask? and laments that she stands to lose her most lucrative retainer if Jason bites it in the fire.  Okay, so the writers are clearly a little rusty on the sarcastic wit.  Chastised by Alexis for her insensitivity, Diane rebounds admirably to offer the following comfort: "Sonny has got nine lives and he's only used about six of them, the man can survive just about anything.  And Jax, Jax is real lucky, Jax goes right up to the edge and then he gets smart, all without getting his hair mussed".  Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Nadine is nursing Matt in the back of an ambulance.  Matt's all "whoa is me, this is all my fault, I should stay and help care for victims" and Nadine's all like "haven't you done enough?" actually, that was me, Nadine was all "it's not your fault blah, blah you need medical treatment blah, blah".  Right about the time Matt is refusing to leave without his brother, Patrick appears safe and sound and they share a touching and appropriate reunion .  I think I like their brotherly chemistry. The three procede to delve into "end of an era" territory as they discuss the damage to General Hospital (they mean the building) and whether it can be restored to it's former glory (they're still talking about the building).  I am now bawling my eyes out because I am thinking about the show itself.  Agent Rayner arrives and insists that Patrick accompany him to the station for "debriefing".  Get in line Pinter, millions of Scrubs fans have wanted to "debrief" Patrick for years .

Jason could have sworn he left something handcuffed to a hospital bed, but Anthony is nowhere to be found when Jason returns to retrieve him .  Sam wants to help Jason search, but he persuades her to help the evacuees instead.  In her quest, Sam comes across Trevor and the missing sphere.  A roof-top stand-off between the two culminates with both going over the ledge.  Trevor falls to his death, but everyday heroine Samantha manages to hold on to both the poison and the ledge until Jason shows up to rescue them both.   Cue the choir of angels.