Here at Port Charles Chuckles, I like to keep my finger on the pulse of pivotal world events. For that reason, I was keenly aware of the importance of this past Tuesday November 4th, on both a national and a global level.
That's right - - it was election day - - the day that America decided who next to vote off of Dancing with the Stars.
Once Cloris Leachman had finally (and most deservedly) been cast off of the hardwood, it was time to turn our attention to the next victim. I jest, in all fairness to the comedic legend, I hope that I'm still as flexible when I'm 82 years old (who am I kidding? I wish I was that flexible now). I also hope to be in as admirable control of my mental faculties as Cloris Leachman still is. Additionally, I hope to have something that Cloris clearly does not - - a friend honest enough to pull me aside and say "learning to ballroom dance in front of millions of people on live television is a ridiculous idea at your age. . . . and embarrassing. . . . now, let's go out for margaritas and pinch some young bartender on the bum".
Sadly, this week's vote ultimately led to the ouster from Dancing with the Stars of another legend - - a daytime legend. Susan Lucci, who toughed it out through injury and judge-criticism with grace and aplomb and put on one heck of a good show for seven weeks, was sent home this past Tuesday. Three cheers for La Lucci !!!
In other globally vital news, I am painfully working my way through my third week of Night Shift-withdrawal. I'm going through some serious DTs and have even resorted to catching up on regular General Hospital, in order to fill the void (I might actually be able to blame that sad fact at least partially on Genie Francis and not entirely on Night Shift, but I see no reason to sully the good woman's name).
Whatever the cause, my finally being up-to-date on both shows allows for greater ease of side-by-side comparison. In honor of the recent and historical election that has just taken place in our country, I thought it might be fun to hold a "mock" election for head writer of General Hospital (and by that I mean of course that I will mercilessly "mock" Bob Guza, while lauding Sri Rao for encompassing the stuff that my soap-dreams are made of).
Let's see how the respective candidates match up on the issues:
ISSUE: BOB GUZA SRI RAO
Has no respect for the genre and no idea who his audience is, and therefore, no idea how to write for them.
|Has clearly watched a soap opera before and knows what the expectations of the genre are and how to deliver them.|
|Health Care||Believes that all hospitals should be shut down in order to focus on more important pursuits, like coffee importing - - Sonnybucks rules!!||
Believes that doctors and nurses do more than hook-up in supply closets at hospitals - - they actually heal people (and occasionally fall in love with terminal patients).
|Economy||In favor of cutting veteran salaries in order to pay for “special” effects like Spoon Island, and speed-boat Jason.||
Somehow managed an entire season without the use of a green-screen. Instead, he frugally used well-written scripts and good acting to maintain audience interest (imagine that!).
1.)Do little women fit into categories besides mob-apologist???
2.) The character of Carly – need I say more?
Knows how to write complex, intelligent, and independent women (Claire excepted, of course)
|Education||Believes in capital punishment for playground offenses - - Michael’s shooting.||
Believes in learning from history and respecting it as he moves his own storylines forward. Plus, bonus points for educating the audience on the real-life issues of colon-cancer, autism and organ-donation.
|Foreign Policy||The Russian invasion is here, mob-wise anyway! You know what Guza finds foreign? logic. . . . and creativity. . . and intelligence.||
Who needs a bunch of foreigners, when you can write fabulous stories that showcase your core and legacy characters?
|War||Why should mob-wars ever end? Bloodshed and violence are fun, man, bring on the gunfire!||
Is capable of writing multiple (count ‘em 14) episodes without the presence of a shoot-out. Who knew that was possible in Port Charles? (besides the entire viewing audience).
Recycles his own mediocre storylines, and badly. If he spent as much energy on anything else as he does deifying Sonny, we could power the world.
|Recycles good storylines - - those from Gray’s Anatomy and then, writes them well himself.|
|Social Security||Believes that people over the age of 40 should just disappear (or be killed off violently). Except Sonny - - he’s like a Timex watch – takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.||Believes actors with skill should have their talent showcased no matter what their age - - Robert’s heavy-hitting colon-cancer storyline, is a perfect example of his respect for veterans.|
Wherein Sri Rao appears to have actually watched a soap before,
Wherein Sri Rao appears NOT to hate women,
Wherein Sri Rao respects history and legacy characters,
Wherein Sri Rao can write an exciting story without involving gunfire,
Wherein Sri Rao can write hospital-centric stories for General Hospital,
I hereby nominate Sri Rao for President - - - er, Head Writer of GH - - - who's with me?